originally posted February 14, 2010
It’s Valentine’s Day. If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re single, because those who are partnered are likely pulling their SO’s hair out of the shower drain. Now please don’t start crying, because I don’t have a lot of tissues in the house, and toilet paper will do nothing for your skin. It’s okay to be single. No; I don’t care what your mother said. It’s okay to be single, and if that’s where you are this year you’re doing just fine.
I am not a fan of silly romance movies that lead (mostly) women to think that their missing piece is waiting out there, a single slice of the pie (so to speak) that will complete them. Listen carefully, and come in close if you’d like: you are complete just as you are. God and Oprah and whomever else you believe in didn’t put you on this earth to find a man to make life worth living. You came ready to go, full of brains and bones and in some cases, most beautiful busts. You developed a personality and a temperament and likely a string of life successes independent of being coupled. You are you. Glorious motherfucking you. This being February 14th doesn’t change any of that.
But I’ll never find someone, you argue. Really? Really. You’ve seen the people with horns and leathery tails who are married, yes? And you glare at them from across the Applebees and mock their snaggleteeth to your friends and after three margaritas you moan in front of the bathroom mirror while smearing red lipstick into your tears, WHY NOT ME?!? Well first off, you don’t want a dude with horns, because they don’t translate as well in wedding photos as you’d think. Next, you just haven’t found this person yet. YET. Life is a long, precious trip. Is even 10 years of a dream relationship, chock full of love and amazing sex and donuts in bed, not worth waiting for? Get on with life and he’ll be down the road, not waiting for you, sweetheart, but living his life to the fullest as well.
If it’s ever going to happen, I have to make it my main goal, you argue. Like hell you do, and I’ll send my mom to critique your outfit if you start that kind of talk. Yes, you can’t hide in your house unless you want to date your landlord or your exterminator, but finding a life mate cannot be your end all, be all. If you died next year (I know, I know, but this is just a BLOG POST), would you want people to eulogize you by talking about you pining away for a relationship? No! You’d want them to talk about your passion for puppies, that weird thing you have for raw eggs, the fact that you once scaled the exterior of the TKE house in your flats. Not to mention the brilliant olive tapenade you bring to parties, the toast you made as maid of honor, the fact that you bought 10 rolls of Forever stamps when they were first issued. These are, convenient to my point, some of the thousands of things that make you the kick ass person you are. The things someone will love to learn about you over the months or years of tipsy talk, road trips, and pillow-to-pillow conversations. Well maybe not the TKE one.
So just because you don’t have a date for today doesn’t mean you won’t have a date for the next 40 Valentine’s Days (that’s a lot of roses and fondue, people). For this one, treat your girlfriends to Valentine’s cards or mimosas (or both) and skip church because it makes you feel like a rebel. Go to a farmer’s market and buy honey or take a drive to a quadrant of the city you haven’t been to in months or learn to make bread. Paint your nails the deepest shade of red you can find. Think about what you love about love so much in the first place, what it is that you feel in your chest and in your toes when you meet someone who’s a good fit. Celebrate it; our ability to connect that strongly is one of our greatest and most beautiful strengths, and you need not wait before using use those muscles to their fullest. I warned you about pulling the covers over your head, didn’t I? I gave my mother your keys.
—–
Four years of my Valentine’s Day Posts, for your enjoyment:
2006 – I Wasn’t Going to Speak of Today But Don’t Want to be a Poor Sport
2007 – A Single Girl’s Valentine’s Post
2008 – On Love and Lust and Lust
2009 – I apparently pretended it didn’t happen.