I consider my ability to forgive to be an affliction. Like halitosis. Dengue fever. It’s the result of years of screwing up, of acknowledging my vast weaknesses, and not just those involving Pinot or Diet Coke. We all fail; we all fall short. We all don’t respond when we should, when the need is stated. [...]
Category Archives: stuff that's wrong with me
Slip
06.27.08 –
Marlboro and I had breakup sex last night. Pinot Grigio invited us both to her place and before I knew it there he was. I’m not going to lie; it was good to be close to him, his lean body, his sweet smell. Things were comfortable and there’s something to be said for familiarity. Cheap, [...]
These important life lessons sponsored by MS Word bullets
04.30.08 –
Don’t leave your apartment at 8:53 am with only a screwdriver and your new license plates.
When leaving said apartment, try to wear something other than yoga pants and a white tee shirt. Like a bra and underwear.
When you realize you’ve locked yourself out and have only a car key, don’t berate yourself for not [...]
Kris: the other bright meat
04.28.08 –
I’m tired of living the anti-healthy lifestyle. For all intents and purposes, my picture should be on the FDA Web page devoted to How Not to Treat What God Gave Ya, the one that would pair me with some uberradiant Kris antithesis like Ashley Judd or Denise Austin. She’d be demonstrating how to make popsicles [...]
Reason #1,040
03.06.08 –
The totality of my Target purchases from last night, which I’m sure were not lost on the adorable single guy in front of me in line:
No fewer than four Weight Watchers meals, of completely limited variety, which of course reveal my affinity for romantic fireside dinners.
A bright blue vat of cat food. Which of [...]
Samantha . . . who?
01.13.08 –
I intended to live blog the Golden Globes tonight, but then those writer types whah whah whah-ed all the way home and it wasn’t to be. I’m left watching the Access Hollywood talent fill time with excessively-Lubridermed legs that may or may not glow in the dark and really, really wide ties. Three hours of [...]
It’s been five months.
12.10.07 –
Dress from Target for work holiday party: $52. Control top pantyhose to suck in muffin top: $5.25. Finding dressy black shrug in suitcase still packed from BlogHer: priceless.
Further evidence that the hairballs may have reached my brain
12.05.07 –
There’s no lying on this site. You know this, right? Well, this morning I saw the divine image of Madonna on my shower door. I don’t know how it happened, but the water droplets cleared the path for a gorgeous and clear head-to-toe glass image, gentle curves and all. With dollar signs in my eyes, [...]
