I tend to know I’m in a decent place when I can be happy for other people, outside the bubble of my every day concerns and malaise. I caught a glimpse of someone from my past on television this morning, a brief segment that made me giggle in a way because of the improbability of it all, and filled me with that internal grin you get for friends. We aren’t friends by any stretch, but I cheered a little as if we were.
I know I’m in a decent place when I see promise in life, when I am not having wee attacks because I’m feeling middle aged without a significant societal contribution to date, when I’m not worried that I’ll never be a bride without wrinkles or my own hair, when I take on social plans that would otherwise have brought the angst. The road looks long and promising, for the moment the relative opposite of that to do list, in a world where few spreadsheets exist.
I know I’m in a decent place when I give people benefit of the doubt. I find myself being a kinder, gentler version of me online, at first reacting to the often inane drama that inevitably unfolds, at second waiting a little. Putting the brakes on. Trying to understand where they and my In Real Lifers are coming from. It’s the follow up to frustration, the next step after anger, the fiddling with the timepiece to see what’s really at work. It bears its own reward.
I know I’m in a decent place when I get giddy over writing, when I wake up in the middle of the night and seek out my blackberry so I can jot down a detail I want to remember. Some nights, if the phone is out of reach, I’ll create an elaborate mnemonic device so that I don’t lose the moment, a completely ridiculous attempt not to lose the exact wording. Last night my complex memory prop involved an appearance by the Incredible Hulk, a story in which he crossed the street in front of the Cosi in Old Town in the middle of midday. I loved waking up to that thought.
How do you know?
9 Comments
I too know I’m in a good place when I can just be happy for people and not be jealous or envious.
I know I’m in a good place when I can just be happy for me and my life and not comparing it to others.
I know I’m in a good place when I smile more than usual and give compliments before 10 am or feel, at the end of the day, excited about the next one instead of slightly exhausted after scraping up enough energy to make it to the next day.
I know when I’m not longing to just get through the day, when I don’t dread each next step. And when I notice how the light has changed for each season and it fills my heart.
I’d like to give a big Ditto to Krisabella. And you.
Or, Kristabella.
Aw man.
I saw that title in my RSS Feed Aggregator, and I thought you were going to flash some melons at the camera.
GYP!
when i’m happy for others, at peace, content with me, looking forward to the future- not fearing or dreading it. when i’m happy about the little things- like getting coffee. when i get excited about the holidays- this is a biggie. bad place = scrooge.
When I feel promise in my day and I don’t have to search for a reason to slog through my activities. Goals also make sense.
Or maybe it’s just having a great meal for two hours in a restaurant. I take it in smaller increments, mostly.
- When I sing songs on my bike
- When, after work, rather than going home and sitting on the couch, I go for a run or read a book in the park
- When I get up at dawn on weekends just because
- When I reach out to friends I haven’t seen or heard from in a long time
This list is making me realize that I have NOT been in a good place for the last month or two. And that needs to change.