There’s a lot going on in the house of Kris, and to be honest, there has been for over a year now. I documented some of it, left other parts out. I can’t believe that after five years at this laptop (or three laptops, if you’re picky) I’m still struggling with what should be public domain and what I should keep close to the vest (which I refuse to wear, even though they seem to be back in fashion). Suffice it to say I’m angry with myself, at times furious, because I didn’t put more on paper. In most cases, I didn’t put it on screen for you or even on napkins for me. I’m irritated to say the least.
There were many good reasons at the time, some of the same ones that prompt me to run from neighbors when I even suspect I see them on the horizon. Anxiety, consideration for other parties, et fucking cetera. But as my broken record sings, I have the memory of a cat in her golden years, and I rely on pictures and print to preserve things for me. I have no pictures. I have little print.
I read blogs that put most everything out there, a splash of ever-changing emotion on the screen. I sometimes envy these risk-taking writers. I also watch as commenters often recoil in discomfort: What must X think about you sharing these details with us? What will your children think? Of course they’re projecting in many cases, but there’s something to this. Some of life is best kept close and concealed; that’s one of the reasons intimacy with friends and loved ones is so magnificent. So much of “it” isn’t always for everyone else.
But this year? This was for me. And I’m trying to figure out how to capture it so that down my road it’s not as if it never happened.
How much is too much? Or, sadly, too little.
20 Comments
Good question. I’ve read plenty of blogs that have left me feeling like I need to brush my tongue and wash out my eyes, but their authors seem quite proud of all the dirty details they’ve spilled. It’s a right some vehemently defend, though I suspect those bloggers also view themselves as the stars of their own yet-to-be-discovered reality show (Real Bloggers of the Interwebs!).
Too much is whatever keeps you awake at night making you think you need to hit the edit button.
I love that last line, Kate. *Loved.*
It’s funny; I have absolutely no dirty details to spill. Well, none that I’d even considering sharing. It’s more that a very important part of my life has almost slipped by, completely undocumented. Undocumented seems to equate in my mind to unwitnessed. I’m tearing up even thinking about it.
Your blog is one of my favorites. I think sharing unequal amounts of emotion or life or thoughts is normal. And I completely trust you to share whatever amount you want to.
You asked the unanswerable,Kris. I dunno. I have little to no long term memory capability remaining; I write the Good, sometimes the Bad as it comes. To remember. To look back a year from now and smile, thinking of all those crazy things… but mostly, to remember.
I only follow one rule, in life and in writing: Above all else, do no harm.
That concept doesn’t censor me, it doesn’t filter- it grounds me. Centers and stabilizes this spinning axis and provides a centerfuge: detritus is spun away, laughter and wry humor, honesty and candor remain.
I don’t write to be read; I write because I can.
that IS a tough one. the times that i’ve tried to sort of speak in code in my posts about something that i really need to get out of my head, it’s not nearly as satisfying as i hoped it would be. whether that means that i should have given all the details on my blog, i don’t know. maybe i should just write (or type) it down for myself somewhere so i can just let it spill.
so…i’ve been no help. go me!
It’s a gut thing, I think. What you put out there is what people will believe you are, even if it isn’t who you really are.
I once wrote a post regarding my sex life and I’ll never, ever do it again. It wasn’t graphic, but it was personal and other people’s reactions to it kinda freaked me out. I think if it’s something you wouldn’t discuss with someone when you’re drunk at a party, then you probably shouldn’t blog it.
My husband says his life expectancy got cut in half after I started blogging. I am pretty honest and open, but still have a few thing that I keep to myself, mostly because they backfired and have unintentionally hurt some really great people. Now once in awhile the feeling of uneasiness will creep up right before I am ready hit that “publish” button… and then I just walk away and make the decision the next morning. I have numerous unpublished drafts, but I am OK with it… at least for now.
this is why i think poets are soo brave…xoxo
I struggle with this as well. At first, I was going to blog “anonymously” – that being, my family and friends wouldn’t know I blogged. I wasn’t too worried about total strangers. But soon enough, others found out and now I’m 95% censored. Not that I would disclose tidbits about my sex life, or how much I hate my parents (I don’t, by the way), but just because I can’t be me. Which is really, really sad.
I think “who you are” shines through in your writing. I could be totally wrong, I’ve not met you of course. But I don’t think I am.
I don’t moderate comments, but maybe I should start another anonymous blog.
Oh, and by the way, I was the one who asked on Formspring if you could put pants on a monkey. I was too lazy to disclose my identity. I loved your answer. :)
I don’t think anyone can answer that question for anyone else, as much as we might want to. I’d say you have to follow your inner guide but as mine keeps me dazed and confused most of the time, perhaps that’s just like no advice at all.
In the end, what are we going to remember? And what is it that matters–the memory or having lived it?
just do what you can do – during those times you didn’t write for a reason – now you’re free.. these are only words and you need to get it out. and you need friends. I know i would never had made it through my “bad” years without bein’ able to say things to my blog friends that i couldn’t say to anyone else – AND have them respond like no on else in ‘real’ life does.
I’m starting to think I share too much. That and I’ve run out of material. How many times can one tell the same story? Sigh.
I have a tendency to use my blog for an emotional dumping ground. A way to clear my head in a way few others who know me in real life will ever hear. I’ve begun to think a journal might do the trick instead.
If anyone can figure it out, it’s you.
Sizzle said it. (Get it?)
Also I think my blog ebbs and flows like my life. Not required to tell it all, or even most of it – only what it works to tell, what you feel must be told. And I don’t think most of the tell-all people are necessarily adhering to those two guidelines.
Not that I’m the guideline-maker for the Internet. I mean, who the hell put me in charge, right? I can’t even WRITE in my damn blog most days.
You’re still here. The rest will work out, however it will.
(I am currently listening to Jennifer Lopez butcher her own songs on SNL. We can’t be any worse. Seriously.)
Don’t even worry about. You will post what you feel like posting on a daily basis. You have lots of readers interested in YOU. Sometimes it is just TOO MUCH INFORMATION and once it is out there on this thing called the internet it is almost impossible to reel it back in. As long as you keep writing your readers will keep reading! :)
“What will your children think?”
did you read this comment from one of my current posts? Funny, I may be very open, honest and outright but what I talk about it or blather on about is but a tenth of my actual life.
I don’t tell everything though a lot of people assume I do.
Such a hard question. I fight with this question myself – how much is too much and how much is too little (although, I guarantee that my blogginess these days is WAY too little).
It’s a snowball for me. I don’t post something that I really want to talk about because it would hurt someone’s feelings. Then I don’t talk about something else because someone from work might find it. Then I share some details on Twitter and the moment has passed.
I’m sad that some so important part of your life has passed that we (read: I) haven’t gotten to share. I hope you’ll share more.
When I started my blog, I censored everything. I’ve found, however, that the more I reveal, the more I may help someone else – brighten their day or let them know they are not alone. As I reader, I really appreciate authenticity and raw honesty. If I wanted gloss I’d subscribe to In Style and US Weekly. Checking them out when I get my nails done (rarely, these days!) is enough. It’s real life that sustains me. Just trust your instincts. And remember, readers have a choice of whether to follow you or not, whether to comment or not. Best of luck creating your revelation comfort zone.
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