You get to spend a month playing house. Not under the finest of circumstances, let’s be honest. The stressors at play right now are beyond what normal couples face in several years of togetherness and the hits keep coming. Painful and substantive hits, the kind that psychologists make lists of to remind us that life is indeed really hard for those of us who are human. I’m guessing no one needs the reminder.
They are 30 days of eggs over medium, sriracha and hummus, and much too much wine. Occasionally the wine is ordered with ice cubes in it, your after-work demand for it leaving insufficient time for it to chill. You promise not to judge one another for such things. You’re even glad you have company in it. He’s an excellent roommate – matched well to your balance of spotless and slack. There are never whiskers in the sink and towels don’t touch the floor. There are fights, one started over a PBS special on Darwin, and looking back you chuckle that such things even happen. Inconsequential in life, really. There are growing pains of orbiting one another in close space. And there are nights of legs intertwined, reading Updike in bed until your eyelids soften, and plotting just how you’ll stop cats from yowling without having to dispose of a body. There are nights of Cornish hens with crispy skins and deconstructing Lost’s John Locke. There are mornings of Diet Coke and a Parliament Light smoked out an upper-story window before a kiss goodbye. A shower door wiped dry daily simply because you made a request. Once. You couldn’t imagine having him there forever, but you liked him there for now.
And then one Wednesday you’re carrying spices to the car in shopping bags, saving him a trip in the still cold. He’ll finish up moving to his own beautiful spot after you leave for work, multiple trips upstairs to retrieve toiletries and pressed pants, to forget canned soups in the cabinet over the stove. You drive away, space regained, and despite knowing that tonight you’ll be able to touch the other end of the couch with your toes, you also know you’re going to miss him.
12 Comments
Totally sucky. I think that’s why, after being married for 20 years and separated for 3, now finally divorced.. I’ve decided I like who I’m learning to be. I dont’ want any more of those arguments and broken hearts. I’m gonna spend this year and new life enjoying the hell out of bein’ ME and if there’s no man along to enjoy it all – so sorry for his bad luck.
But I SO understand the missing.. it’s just too easy for people to up and leave these days.. and the missing goes away after a while – the hurt stays MUCH longer.
::hug::
I’m glad you had the chance to do a little trial run with each other before he got his new place. Sounds like it was a success, which is excellent knowledge to have. xoxo
How cool to have that little glimpse. And such a good one too.
Geez, give me a break! I couldn’t live there forever. Always with the Updike, Updike, Updike! Can’t a fella get his Koontz on once in a while? I mean, I didn’t want to bring our issues out into the open like this, but you started it.
Oh! Happy and sad for you all at once.
The feeling of loss, of miss, is one of the most bittersweet that we humans can generate, as it’s the perfectly terrible mix of fondness and pain.
I second what Mystery Girl said: nice to have the chance to get a lay of the land/trial run, if you will. Not that anyone need any more confirmation of his character. =-)
Oh man, been there, done that.
Also, Georgetown with me and Marci on Saturday? We’re fun and there will be vodka.
Playing house is fun. As is regaining full custody of the sofa. Glad it went well, spat included. Because coming out the other side of those with things in tact is really a statement of success.
Ditto everything everyone else has said, but I just want to add that DAMN. This is an incredible piece of writing, woman.
Reading this scared the crap out of me, which selfishly has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how out of practice at this sort of thing I am and completely exhausted by the thought of ever trying it again.
But I agree with Paige.
Wait, what?! Per usual, this is beautiful. I’m just not sure what happened! Regardless I hope all is well and that, for however long, you enjoy the whole couch. I love the whole couch.