I turn 36 today. Thirty-six. I’m quite sure the mention of it makes the twenty-somethings cringe, their skin taut and ovaries plump and bursting at the seams, full of wee genetic runners panting at the starting line. The thirty-somethings are drinking rose while reading this, in their cubicles of course, giving the screen knowing nods and wondering if they even still have ovaries. We do, unfortunately. Let it not scare the youth off, because I’m here to tell them a little something about your mid-thirties: I’m loving it. Embracing it, screaming it out loud in work hallways and from my car window when passing by clubs in NW. THIRTY-SIX! I’M THIRTY GODDAMN SIX, GEORGETOWN BITCHES! Not really, because I don’t know where clubs exist in DC, and if the kids even still call them clubs, and I’m much more likely to be driving past playgrounds while eating Funyuns straight from the bag, but it turns out 36 is a little bit of lovely. It’s like a long-sleeved tissue tee, comfortable and not particularly fancy or revealing, but cute and slightly worn. Roomy and delightfully forgiving and without embellishment. And while I’m not sure my breasts look great in it, it somehow feels just right.
I don’t remember what I thought about 36 year olds when I was a child, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t think they lived as I do. At 36, my mother had two children and had lived in several countries. The women I remember who were 36 wore Mom jeans and cut coupons religiously and always let their husbands drive. Yes, they had husbands. They also made casseroles with mushroom soup and delighted in grocery shopping and watched a game show after the evening news, surrounded by a family of four, each with his or her own afghan. I guessed they had missionary sex on Sundays. They wrote Christmas cards to everyone they’d ever met, even the drunk ones who spilled red wine on pale rugs at New Year’s parties. They had dogs and fenced-in back yards in which they’d run them. They were devoted but never in love.
Apparently it isn’t always so. At 36, I’m proud to say that I’m a different kind of norm. You know the details: the two cats, the rented apartment in the city, the wine bought at a DC corner store. But there’s something empowering about the number passing these lips: thirty-six. You see, I no longer have to engage in drama that saps energy I could use for more productive things. I don’t want to go out on a particular night? I can say it. I can eat Baked Doritos at 5 am on a weekday while watching the morning news, and there isn’t a soul in the world to whom I need to answer. My extended family is a rich community of real-life and Interweb friends, half of whom I don’t see more than once every few years. I don’t have to spend money on what someone else thinks I should. I can prefer a $6.99 bottle of cabernet and defend its brilliance as well as its sensibility. I am learning to cook filet on the stovetop, to get pedicures without guilt, to sit alone on the couch in silence. It’s gorgeous, this. This ability to be me with less concern about how you, the general you that is a neighbor or a boss or a cab driver, should care to see me.
I’m quite sure a number of you discovered this freedom in your 20s, saw it down the road when you were in your teens. What lovely foresight, friends. It’s safe to say I didn’t, no more than I saw Lieberman making Open Table reservations with the devil. I plan to waste little time questioning it – wondering “why now?”rather than then — and instead will set out to wrestle it into a tight embrace, then see where it goes when I loosen my grip and let it breathe. Contentment, mindfulness, falling more deeply in love, and as much cheap wine as a paycheck allows. Thirty-six, people. Thirty-six.
47 Comments
Happy thirty-sixth birthday! 30’s is a fantastic decade. Loved this posted :)
Great Post! I loved it!
I was looking forward to my thirties but was feeling nervous that 32 is around the corner but after reading your post, I am reminded about my excitement for this decade again.
thanks!
Absolutely FABULOUS post! As I approach 35 (and joke about being halfway to 70) I agree 100% with what you say and am promising myself to keep living it and loving it!
Happy Birthday.
Guess what? It gets better. I don’t know when it stops getting better; I’ll tell you when I get there.
Happy Birthday! Great post!
Happiest of birthdays! It sounds like you are already very happy, but I hope that it just gets better and better for you.
Happy 36th! 37 is even better. And I don’t think anyone in their teens and 20’s could have the foresight to see how incredible it is to be thirty-something. We’re right on schedule.
There’s definitely a calm, confidence and resilience that settles in during this glorious decade that tends to elude of most of us in the prior one – especially urban folks, and as you mentioned, “mindfulness” plays an enormous part in all this.
Congrats on the birthday, and congrats in general.
– Hammer, your 1989 prom date in an alternate timeline
Love it! Always a special treat when I can begin the day with your blog.
I always like to say that my 30’s are a reward for making it through my 20’s. I was skinner, but definitely not happier.
Have a great birthday!
I LOVE this. I aspire to embrace every year.
Oh and Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!
Happy birthday!
I’m 32, so I have just recently found this freedom. I love every second of my 30s. Well, except for the whole not being able to recover from long nights of drinking like I used to. I may be older and wiser, but I still like to think I can drink like I’m 24.
Have an awesome birthday!
I turn 35 in January, so this post is a little enlightening. I’m not sure how well I will handle turning 35. But I’m going to remember this post and think of the things I bring with me to the 35yo table.
Thanks for some insight.
Happy birthday, Kris. You’re only four point something in cat years. Which are obviously the applicable units for cat people like us.
Happy, happy, happy birthday, sweet Wino!
In Hebrew we say “L’chaim” – To Life! – à la Tevye/Fiddler on the Roof fame to toast your birthday.
What you might not know (or might, since I lecture endlessly) is that in Hebrew every letter of the alphabet is assigned a number (this is called Gematria, but that’s another tale for another non-birth-day). Chai – spelt chet-yud – denotes the number 18. It’s not uncommon for Jews to give gifts on special occasions keeping with this 18-theme: $18, $180, $1800, or multiples thereof.
So happy, happy 18×2! May you have a double portion of wonderful, luscious life.
(As a side note, you can party tonight like you’re a pair of 18-year old twins!)
L’Chaim!
Happy birthday!
Happy #36!
Congrats! As a fellow 36er, I welcome you! :-) It is sooooo much better than the 20s…
Happy Birthday, Love! 36? You wear it well (not that I know what that means, exactly).
Next time I see you, there will be a dozen glasses of Cab with your name on them. Better eat a few bags of those Doritos beforehand – you’re going to need something to coat that stomach! Totes. xo
breath.of.fresh.air. say it – but mean it too please.
Happy birthday! Love you lady!
Happy Birthday, KrissyCat! As someone who nearly wept in gratitude when a high school teacher broke ranks with the “these are your golden years” dogma-spewers and said, “Don’t worry. It does get better,” I wholeheartedly agree with your feelings of contentment. And you have plenty to look forward to. At forty-one, I can’t imagine going back to my mid-thirties, let alone my twenties. The creeping emotional improvements far outweigh any mild disappointment at having rethought the virtues of the mosh pit.
Thirty-six wonderful years…and 36 wonderful more years. Happy, happy day my friend. =-) xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Happy Birthday!
Got a year on ya, but I’ve been loving my thirties, singledom and all.
Hope your 36th year is your best ever!
Welcome to 36! It isn’t bad at all.
Happy birthday, beautiful girl.
This post was exquisite. The tissue tee analogy? I think you reached into my brain to retrieve that. Brilliance.
It is good, this life; and my wish for you is a year filled with love, light, and all good things. May you have everything you want and all that you need – nothing less shall do.
At 38, I feel exactly the same way you do. Even with the Mr. in my life, I feel more independent, confident, put-together and (dare I say it) sexy than I ever did in my 20’s. Other than work, I do what I want when I want, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Happy belated, toots. Have a glass of $6.99 cabernet for me too.
;)
Happy (belated) birthday!
I’ll crack open a bottle of Barefoot in your honor.
Happy B-Day Kris! I think it hit me on my 31st (or was it Chris’ 47th???) that we never stop feeling like that little kid we were, barefoot chasing the ice cream truck. We just get better at hiding it.
I hope you have a great one. You don’t look a day over 25 anyway.
happy belated!! sounds wonderful.
i could go for a celebratory glass right about now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Woo! And yay for wine…
Happy Bithday! Sounds like you are exactly where you are supposed to be!
Happy Birthday!! I turn 30 tomorrow and (besides the initial panic attack) cannot wait for my 30s. Bring it.
Happy Birthday! 36 is a great year. You are going to love the next few years, including your 40’s. Trust me. It only gets better from here!
i hope you had a beautious birthday! thanks for the insightful and inspiring post.
there’s thirty six comments on this post so far and now i feel like the fucker who’s going to mess up the star’s alignment or something with my comment.
but, ill chance it because hell, happy birthday lady. from a long time reader and big fan of yours, here’s to a wonderful birthday and a fabulous year ahead.
Happy Birthday K! I’m looking forward to my thirties…I’m enjoying this false sense of superiority I am having over younger people as I get older. It’s pretty rad.
Happy Birthday! 38 is four days away for me – I’m looking forward to it!
Happy 36th Birthday!!! My 25th was a day after yours. I want to sound as awesome as you read in this post when I’m 36 (-:
Excellent post, Kris. This makes me look forward to being 36 (while continuing to enjoy myself along the way, of course). :)
Happy 36th birthday, Kris!
I’m back, with a vengeance, and drinking a big glass of shiraz for you. ;)
Thank GOD you are still blogging. Deleted mine a few years back and re-created and now am trying to find some of the great ones I loved to read…aka you!
I’m particularly fond of this age as with it comes the end of relationship questions. It’s as if people have accepted the fact that I rank pedicures and a healthy supply of wine higher than breeding. Divine.
Happy Happy!
same here: same age, same feelings.
Love this love this. Turning 35 in January and my ovaries are shriveling with near-glee.
I would kill to be 36 again. And it wasn’t all that long ago. I keep hearing you get this wisdom and serenity as you get older. I’m not feelin’ it, people.
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[...] Kris recently turned 36 and was happy to realize that she enjoys being a 30-something unmarried woman. At 36, I’m proud to say that I’m a different kind of norm. You know the details: the two cats, the rented apartment in the city, the wine bought at a DC corner store. But there’s something empowering about the number passing these lips: thirty-six. You see, I no longer have to engage in drama that saps energy I could use for more productive things. I don’t want to go out on a particular night? I can say it. I can eat Baked Doritos at 5 am on a weekday while watching the morning news, and there isn’t a soul in the world to whom I need to answer. My extended family is a rich community of real-life and Interweb friends, half of whom I don’t see more than once every few years. I don’t have to spend money on what someone else thinks I should. [...]