If you aren’t reading Gretchen Rubin, I suggest you take a peek. I don’t know how I found her site, but I’m thankful I did, because I’m actually a relatively positive person when I’m not spouting snark in my tiny circle on the Internets. There is a lot to be thankful for and much beauty in this world to savor on a regular basis. For some of us it’s weekly, some daily, others hourly. It’s hard to hide when you do, almost like being in love. You can see it in a person’s writing, in his or her interaction with others whether in a conference room or at the grocery store. It isn’t that they’d want to hide it necessarily, but they might, lest there be a run on tar and feathers from Harris Teeter. In my experience, the shiny and happy of the world are labeled as irritating, because the negative has become something of a foundation for so many of us. It’s almost too much when people are happy and full of adoration for their world. I once knew a woman for whom most things were bright, whether it was the taste of candy gifted to her by a coworker or the zest brought by a particularly carbonated beverage. The world was very much her oyster, her easily gifted compliments, her love for silly games and helping people. Sounds grating. At times it was.

I like Gretchen’s views because she’s none of those things. From afar, peeping through her Internet window, she actually seems like someone I’d like to have drinks with, a woman realistic in her happiness who might pick on year-round Christmas stores with me. I appreciate that she can identify behaviors of her own that she’d like to change without labeling herself as a human unworthy of redemption (oh self-flagellation, how we embrace thee). There are many behaviors of my own I’ve been examining lately, ones I’m not particularly fond of, ones that don’t get the reaction out of loved ones and colleagues that I generally desire. These aren’t limited to looks of confusion or awkward interactions, because those are the ones we know about; when you have a signal from another, you’re aware you’ve somehow misstepped or pulled something from your tool kit that should be thrown out with whatever in the office fridge is making your eyes water. My current take on these is that awareness is key and there’s time enough to dwell on them and their origins. This thinking is a lot of work, as is the change you hope that will accompany it, and requires the type of reflection that can easily draw you into the depths of negativity. Once you get there, there’s little product. Particularly in times of stress, you can mull and swirl indefinitely, a bottomless soft serve cone without any of the flavor.

It’s quite another thing to come at your interactions – and your shortcomings? – with a positive lens. If you’re honest, what have you told yourself you’re doing right lately? Tick, tock. Takes a minute, doesn’t it? If I acknowledge something that is a plus, that is the clichéd epitome of healthy, I often find a way to undo it. I challenge you to state something you do well without a “but” entering the conversation, spoken or not. Taking it further, what have you told others that they do well lately? It’s as simple as a compliment about a well-written card or a stroke on the head when the tripod makes it up on the tallest part of the couch without embarrassing you in front of your friends. I know I’m not doing it as much as I’d like. Are you?

Jonniker wrote a while back about using the month of November to be positive, in place of the maddening frenzy that is NaPoBlowMe, or whatever the kids are calling it these days. I’m wondering if I might be able to do something similar for December. Anonymously or otherwise, I may try lifting spirits, including my own. New lotion for the shared office bathroom, a love note for a loved one, a book because someone mentioned a passing interest. I’ve worked this out in my head, you see; this way I can actually be both sides of myself (insert DSM diagnosis here) and I don’t have to choose. Snark or substance? Like a hooker and a great mother, you really can be both. Maybe.