God love y’all for your lovely comments on the last post, for confessing your gynecological maimings with jpegs of your bits. And also your everyday struggles with weight. Either will do.
This week I made a deal with myself that I would stock the fridge with enough food for a full three days. Those who read or know me understand that I grocery shop once every time a Bush is in office, what with being able to catch pregnancy from a cart in the ethnic food aisle, what with being able to subsist on wine and cat hair alone. I bought yogurt (2 points) and lunchmeat (1 point) and pita (some ungodly number of points but MAMA NEEDS CARBS, GODDAMIT). I wanted so badly to grab the Ellios by the seam and make it a man, right there in the frozen foods, with steak fries and okra bearing witness.
In the olden golden days of my weight loss, when I counted breads and sugars and oils, I made skinless chicken breast dinners and cornbread soaked in cooking spray. I’d flip the hair atop my chubby head, proud of my concoction, and eat just the quarter cup WW had indicated. Like Advil. Take too few, you’re stuck with what you’ve got, your body screaming Uncle because it had too little. Too few calories led to plateau, your leaders said, the cruel kind that leads to self-doubt and a Papa John’s XL ordered at 3 am. I’d seen the desperate woman cry at the loss of a quarter pound; a fate worse than fat? Take too much, you’re Marlon Brando in stretch pants. Husky and awkward during sex, unwieldy in a way you never were in your roaring 20s. I was the queen of preparation. I sorted large bags of chips into portion-sized ones and marked points on boxes of food with a Sharpie.
It’s just so damn hard to get that back. A friend started the program with me, but I’m a tired and jaded Weight Watcher. He’s a newbie, still engaged by the process of figuring out how things work, still excited by the possibility of weight loss. It sounds odd, but when you first start out there is a good bit of fun to it. You’re excited to see just how much weight you’ll lose, because there’s no way around it: follow the plan and you’ll lose. The program is also a wee challenge; just what stuff can I get away with eating in a day?
For him, it might look something like this:
Wheat toast with faux butter: 2 points
A double cheeseburger and the biggest fry a human can handle: 22 points
Five glasses of wine, because I’m a big, strong, strapping man: 15 points
For me, it looks more like this:
Cardboard rice product: 2 points
Canned minestrone soup with an (1) oyster cracker and a generous helping of AIR: 5 points
Five glasses of wine, so I can avoid grocery shopping and the noises my stomach keeps making: 15 points
Time to start shopping for inspiration.
11 Comments
If you’re in danger of catching pregnancy off the grocery cart then that last trip to the store together was TOTALLY atypical and I am not a little disappointed.
Because I want to help here’s another quick reminder of a few things that cost zero points:
- Cigarettes
- Advil
- Diet Coke
- Shame
- Fingernails
There’s more, but it’s proprietary and will appear on my site shortly.
All joking aside, I’m proud of you. And glad the Elio’s escaped with its gonzalez intact.
My diet is to eat anything I want, but do it in front of naked fat people. If you can choke it down while looking at that, more power to you.
It’s hard to lose weight if you don’t like to cook. It’s been so damn hot this past week here that I’ve all but stopped eating (except for sugar free fudgsicles). My excuse is waning though as the weather dips back down to the 70s. I will have to get off the couch and get back to it. Sigh.
I did WW a million and a half years ago and lost 30 pounds in 5 months by starving myself.
This summer I lost 10 pounds b/c I sold my house 3 times and stopped eating from all the stress.
I’m not sure which one was less than fun.
It all sucks.
(Could this comment be less supportive.)
My summer love affair with DQ Blizzards has come to an end as of yesterday and I’m back to counting points as of today. I agree with sizzle, it is hard to lose weight if you don’t like to cook – eating out is just so much easier. And delivery – wooh, don’t get me started on that! I found out that my favorite chinese restaurant that is across town WILL deliver to me if I order enough food. It’s both a blessing and a curse!
This just reminded me to go refill my water glass. Have to get to my 8 cups. Does wine count?
I just love food. And hate being hungry. And love food. I get sad about being fat..so I eat a whole frozen pizza to make me feel better.
I kinda pray for food poisoning. A little bit. Secretly… :P
I know exactly what you mean. MUST. GET. MOTIVATED.
Ugh.
The easiest way to lose weight, your teeth, your job and any friends you may have is meth. It’s the diet plan for slackers.
It is shocking the difference between how much food men can get away with, and how little women can.
As for you, my pretty, the last time I saw you, you looked fantastic, and I don’t imagine you’ve changed much since. But weight and size all come down to how you feel, and I do wish you luck with this. I know a lot of people who have Skinny Cow (can’t remember how many points, but very few) ice cream sandwiches and wine for dinner. Wine is where I think most people’s points go.
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