These are my last few days of work. Last. Few. Days. How odd that feels to type. There are no firm plans for days one, two, three other than sleep. Lots of sleep and cleaning an apartment and life that has been neglected for at least a month too long. Dust bunnies hold drag races and the kitties seem concerned that their mother is wearing the same work clothes in a five-day rotation and is awake at 4 am worried about details. Details like just how long Mary Jo Kopechne was in the water and whether we have enough Avery 5160s and if there are more than 500 points in a wheel of cheddar cheese. My unemployed best friend called yesterday before 8 am to tell me she had pulled an abandoned headboard from the dumpster and was spray painting it for entertainment. She’s six months in. I’m wondering what six weeks will look like.
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25 Comments
Try to think of it as an adventure. What have you always wanted to do? How can you make money doing it?
It’s an opportunity, once you have your life back in order.
You’ll overcome; I have faith.
Hopefully you’ll have more time to write.
If you are interested, I know a lot of people in the DC area – email or facebook message me – let me know what you are looking for and I’ll see if I can help at all.
You certainly deserve the rest. Maybe even five days of sleep totally not less than 12 hours per night.
As a public service announcement, please note the following warning signs that you’ve been unemployed too long:
- You make plans to go to CVS. Three days ahead of time.
- You spend 1-2 hours a day trying to flick cigarette butts out of the window so that they land perfectly in the gutter, then get so good at it you become bored and stop.
- The works of Jorge Luis Borges begin to make sense to you.
- You begin to feed the cats your nail parings and small clumps of hair “so you can be closer to them.”
- You start to recognize the repeat posters in “Casual Encounters.”
- You start calling your still-employed friends at the office at 9:01 AM to ask “Whatcha doin?”
If any or all of these symptoms manifest, please seek professional assistance.
Or call me at work.
I gotta say that spray painting a found headboard in a dumpster sounds like a fun project. I mean it!
I’ve been there. Last year at almost this exact time, actually. Some days, I wish I back in that spot, sleeping a lot and spending the rest of my time reading books. But I probably would have gone crazy.
Enjoy some time off!
I tried that thing we call dating while I was unemployed. Nothing turns a man on faster than, “I don’t have a job.” The odd thing? The man who stuck around the longest (who happened to be a long time friend before we kissed) ended things a few months after I found a new job.
I know the two were not related but men are tricky little buggers. The good news is I found a job I really like and that’s a first for me. It will work out for you too. :)
If you start painting dumpster headboards, please call for help.
I wish you the best. Also, I am in the market for a spraypainted headboard with a matching nightstand.
You may be surprised at just how good things look six-weeks in. I’m not saying it will be easy, but Kris, my dear friend…I wouldn’t trade a moment of the past 10 months of my life, even the crappy stuff. There are opportunities headed your way that I firmly believe just couldn’t come along until old opportunities were packed up and put away. Keep the faith and call when you need. I think I even have a can of spray paint around here somewhere…;-)
Okay, you’re funny, but today your commenters are even funnier.
Remember what I said about living here. I mean it!
I am five months in. I really thought I’d have a job by now.
Don’t worry too much. You’ll collect unemployment, sleep a little more, and take care of yourself for a while. Things will work out (that’s what I keep telling myself!).
I had my heart set on a houseboy, but I suppose you’ll do. Come on over, Cookie!
two words of advice if i may: start writing
ps. in case you don’t know…you are very good at it.
Once you’re past the 12 hours of sleep days, I’m your wingwoman wherever, whenever.
I might even help you paint a headboard, we’re that down. I also bring wine everywhere I go, even to flammable activities like that.
Oh, and I’ve been wondering about that first detail too, a little more than may be healthy.
You do not have to dumpster dive while unemployed. You can actually just enjoy it, moment by moment, do the things you absolutely love to do, and just stay open to catching sight of whatever doors and windows appear to walk through. Take a breath. Have some fun! And take another breath.
Before you dive into that dumpster, call me. I’ll pay you to make me laugh. Which, like, will make me broke but will surely be money well spent.
Lots of time to polish your wonderful writing and keep us laughing and entertained. Enjoy and hope you find something else as soon as you want to.
Welcome, friend. Welcome to the new world of Rascal sightings, jewelry polishing, receipt organizing, career fair attending, dumpster diving, craigslist trolling, nail polishing, nail re-polishing, resume re-writing, On-Demand purchasing, coupon organizing, prescription drug transferring, crying yourself to sleep-ing, generic buying, small child glaring, daily affirmationing, cat psychic-ing, wine drinking, wine drinking, ww point obsessing, face examining, eyebrow plucking, webmd disease finding, nose hair trimming, facial hair removing, acid refluxing, sunrise watching, closet purging, bank account stalking, nail biting, “I wonder if I can sell this thing”-ing Town. It’s a nice place to visit, I don’t recommend living here.
I do hope you enjoy this time off, and like others have said, this could be an opportunity to do something new in your life. Apply for jobs that you never would have thought of doing before (you know, legal ones with no poles). Take some classes at the community college. Whatever you do, make the most of it and try not to get into a headboard-painting funk. Turn all that idle energy into doing stuff that’s going to make you feel accomplished.
I’m about 8 weeks in, and and frankly, loving it, if not for the reason (medical leave… but at least it’s not terminal..) Loved the self-written obit, great stuff!! (look up the archives, she would have loved that, HAAA)
We are missing the wino posts here in Utah. Hope you’re hanging in there!
There are very few parts of this that don’t suck. I am keeping good thoughts for you.
Long-time reader – just curious how you’re doing?
You know… I’m a recruiter. Send me your resume.