Although I’d lie about it on a first date, I love the Bachelorette. I love the fantasy of it all, skinny legs and dresses cut in half my size. I love that there are rose petals on the bed and dream dates that involve groups of frat boys curling. I love it from the first meet and greet, where the dudes who aren’t narcissists drip sweat from unmanly places, up to the final moment when the snot-laden couple exchanges a ring and spit. It’s the promise that our Fair Maiden leaves ABC Studios and lives happily ever after. Until her fiancée reveals on national television he’s dating a donkey from back home. And that his single drops on August 3rd.
I don’t believe it’s REAL, of course, and not just because my producer best friend has ruined revealed through a stream of shrieks and frantic wails that all reality television is staged, but because it just doesn’t happen that way. Out of twenty-five guys, twelve will be men you’d never kiss on the lips without a heavy dose of Jager, six will quote Animal House during one-on-one dates, four will have painfully small penises and two won’t even show to the rose ceremony. And of course one will be a break dancer. No offense Michael. It just doesn’t play on a business card.
In the end, it’s fun to watch people fall in love. When I’m not throwing rotten fruit at happy couples in the park, I’m reveling in the joy of the promise of sharing my life with someone. It happens to people, so attest positive pregnancy tests; people do find the one who doesn’t complete them, but complements them completely. A match does exist! And he’s someone who doesn’t wear Crocs and does kiss really, really well on camera without getting a boner. Love is just so damn luscious. I want to lick its face and share my blue cheese dressing with it. It’s just that good. And so I gawk away.
11 Comments
I hate watching people fall in love. Just like I hate people win the Power-ball. I guess I’m just bitter.
dude, I am just glad I’m not the only one who’s pondered the boner question
also, I hope my comment the other day didn’t make you sad, looking back on it it was maybe a little f-ed up. anyway, ttfn.
So that’s why you had all those rotten tomatoes packed for our picnic?
I love reading you writing about love. I can’t wait to hear more, soon.
“And he’s someone who doesn’t wear Crocs and does kiss really, really well on camera without getting a boner.”
you have some high standards, sister!!
I love it too! Even this morning, Hubby asked, “So, did she pick Ed?” ;)
WHY did we not have a viewing party for this?!? We could have gotten drunk and held one another.
I’m with Auntie, the no boner while kissing is a pretty lofty standard – or maybe she was referencing the crocs.
Love this show. Against all reason and logic.
I am totally a sappy, stupid romantic at heart. I love stupid reality shows like this and all weddings and cheesy love songs. I don’t think it’s reality, no, but I love it all the same.
I WANTED REID!
that had me laughing out loud! why? because my fiance was a breakdancer…enough said!!
I only once got caught up in this franchise – The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman. He was such a tool with a ripped body I couldn’t resist.