Dear People at the Power Place,
I have never paid several hundred dollars for anything in my life, anything that did not involve travel to a foreign country or high-quality taxidermy. So you might understand my shock at getting my electric bill this week, one that read $582.73 in what seemed an excessively large and ominous font. I also could have done without the organ music.
I am somewhat confused by this total given that I live in a one-bedroom apartment. Contrary to what one might think, I do not live in a house without a roof, or an abandoned barn, or a cardboard box with gaping holes in all sides. On most days, I do not leave my windows open and turn the heat up to 90 degrees. I own approximately five appliances, and some of the ones I use more regularly run on AA batteries. I have not used the generator in months and converted the walk-in freezer to a den in late 2007. You see my confusion.
If this is how things must go, I will use some of your suggestions for lowering my power usage. For starters, my cats will dry my hair, one standing by each of my ears, blowing my soaked tresses with all of their might. I expect their training should take only the next two years or so. Instead of microwaving food, I will heat all meals using a lighter; during those months that I’m working my eighth job and money is just pouring into my bank account, I will use Sterno canisters just as I’ve heard the pioneers did. I will unplug the refrigerator while I’m at work and blow dry clothes by hanging them from the trunk of my car. I was already drinking in the dark, so we can check that one off the list.
I understand your need to make money in these trying times, but I’m wondering if in return for my investment in your company Christmas party you might send me something in return. I’m not asking for much. A pen with which to write my checks? Another copy of The Homeowner’s Guide to Uranium Mining? Even better: a company key chain. When I’m living out of my car, it would be nice to have something to remember you by.
28 Comments
I have some extra Kleenex boxes you can use as slippers if you want.
Howard Hughes would be proud of us, maintaining our level of cleanliness while he rolls around in his grave of money.
Drinking in the dark sounds fun! Received a water bill for that amount once, the city had read our neighbor’s meter by mistake. Although they never admitted the mistake, at least the account was credited.
That’s outrageous! Obviously a mistake. But the image of your cats drying your hair is hilarious.
Good lord, you really should unplug that bug zapper in the winter. I know, I know, the sounds of squirrels convulsing IS amusing, but…think of the children.
“I was already drinking in the dark, so we can check that one off the list.”
Thanks! That made me laugh out loud…and I’ve been kind of grumpy today, so I EXTRA appreciated it!
Oh, no!! Utility companies are evil!! Let’s unite against them!
Okay, the image of your cats blowing your hair dry literally made me snort Diet Coke out my nose. Thank you for that. My husband is now googling “involuntary commitments” hoping to reserve my spot in the nearest mental facility. LOL
Glad to hear that your other “appliances” that you use on a regular basis run off of AA batteries. Because if you used the kind that plug into the wall and your electric bill is $582.73…
Actually, that reminds me. I use rechargeable batteries for my, um, appliances and they need recharging!
Oh my god, can I PLEASE have a cat hair dryer?
I am ROLLING! Thank you!
I would love a cat hair dryier too. Sadly, my cats sleep all the time.
My cousin has you beat. She and her roommate live in a two bedroom apartment and though they shower daily and do maybe four loads of laundry a week, there’s little explanation for the $18,642 water bill they received last month.
PS: The visual of the kitties blowing your hair dry…priceless!
Your utility must be expecting you to pay your bill as well as four of your neighbors with that amount! Ouch!
I nearly had a conniption when I opened the email saying my bill was $221 – uh, I live in an apt., less than 1,000 sq ft, and the heat was on 65 the entire time – I would sit on the sofa in sweats and a blanket. The cat was so chilly, she slept on a heat register.
I got a bill like that last winter. Turns out my landlord set the building’s heat at 62. Anything over that was considered “Emergency” heat and was five times as much. Nice.
wow – makes the bill i received once for $325 seem not so bad.
Holy crap. That’s more than I’ve ever paid for electricity and natural gas for iur “mansion” in the area I was always told had one of the highest rates in the nation. I guess you showed me.
That HAS to be an error! Am dying to hear what their response will be to your “Uhm, yeah, so about this bill…”
You are not alone- I saw something on Fox News this morning about folks getting similar bills. I think they might even have some sort of message board set up for persons in your situation.
What the hell???? Craziness!!!
“I was already drinking in the dark, so we can check that one off the list.”
ha!
Awesome. I would like to form a “drinking in the dark” society.
I think the “drinking in the dark society” should have a dress code of sweat pants, and something covered in cat hair…
I too recently had the unpleasant experience of selling my soul to the Electric Company. I should be able to get it returned to me sometime this summer, when the bill evens out.
Girl, I feel your pain. Did PEPCO miss read the meter. There is no way! Can someone high-jack your meter.
Enroll in the budget plan when you can and your payments are level throughout the year. Dominion Power does this so I assume PEPCO will too
Is someone siphoning your electricity? That’s clearly the only explanation.
Pepco overcharged us about $90 bucks a month for four months last winter. They said they had given us estimated readings because sometimes meter readers just don’t read the meters.
Really? Well it wasn’t estimated money we paid you, Pepco. January money is no less actual than July money.
You are so funny. I miss you!
This is hysterical! Congrats on being featured on 5 Star Friday.
You had me at “organ music”…