Comments on: putting the baby in a corner

By: gorillabuns

gorillabuns — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 02:05:48 +0000

again, let me adopt you. my mother would like you more than me.;)

By: Gwen

Gwen — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 21:33:06 +0000

I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile, feeling your pain. As much as I try and much progress as I make, my mom can still send me straight back to kindergarten faster than anyone. I’m realizing, more and more, that a lot of this is my own damn fault. Which sucks more than being able to blame it all on her.

I’m sorry.

I wish I could figure out how it is that the very people who really do love us most can also, with very little effort, make us feel like the biggest pile of shite in the world.

By: regs

regs — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 21:56:50 +0000

I’ve been a silent lurker for years but had to comment here. Sometimes I think you are writing my life. Similar story, deceased father, my younger brother the favorite son with constant crisis, and stabs from my mother to me on…

Drinking too much (not enough to tolerate all of this “fun”)

My mother being too old to pull together Christmas Eve dinner. Um, hello…nobody cares what we eat and long as there is wine

And my favorite…how if I were married we’d be having Christmas at my house.

All of which pushes me to the breaking point of shouting as I climb into my car to escape…”I, the only child who supports themselves am so NOT the screw up of this family!”

I did feel better after a detour to my grandparents for some time alone with them (10am and they were testing the eggnog with the housekeeper)…for them to confirm that I am in fact the most successful, beautiful, smartest, perfect child.

By: Zandria

Zandria — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:26:32 +0000

I can’t imagine having to deal with that from my mother. Intentional jealousy? Really???

By: Deana

Deana — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 21:13:20 +0000

I’m pretty sure that anyone who grew up in a family with sisters & a controlling mother (mine, at least) can relate to this functioning dysfunction.

Could be the reason wine was invented in the first place…

By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 15:52:41 +0000

My mother, whom I adored, died this year leaving my brother and I to care for my father. My brother handles caring for the house- everything else is mine. All of Dad’s doctors & meds, handling anything that requires reading and writing, & dealing with talking about and regulating his poop. Given that, Dad only has eyes for my brother. In every conversation you can count the seconds until he brings up my brother. The only time he will leave the house is in the company of my brother or to visit my brother. AHHHHH! I suppose with him I should be glad not to be the chosen one, but still.

By: Graceflone

Graceflone — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 20:16:00 +0000

Ah, families. My sister was always the favorite in my mother’s eyes. Mom always went running to her whenever there was a “crisis” whether she needed to or not. “She needs me!”. Yeah, right. Years ago I made a comment about something that had happened to me (that mom should’ve remembered) and she acted like it had never happened and brushed it aside. I then told her she couldn’t remember because she had her nose so far up my sister’s ass that she couldn’t see anything else. It just came out. And it felt good.

By: wildbill

wildbill — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 04:34:28 +0000

Nothing is ever good enough for my mother. It has always been this way & it is part & parcel of her Core Being- it will never change. When I reached my limit ( a story for another day) I withdrew from her life until she had to have others seek me out. Now, I take care of her needs but as soon as she starts up- I’m Gone! I’m too old to be treated like Denny Dim-Wit & I won’t have it!

By: jen

jen — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:47:32 +0000

Thanks for sharing an all too familiar story!

By: jodifur

jodifur — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:54:49 +0000

I’m a bit late on this but I just have to say, isn’t it amazing how these familial relationships never change. My sister is the favorite and it has taken my years to realize it’s ok, she just needs more.

On a different note there is a shot out to you on jodifur tomorrow!

By: Hilary

Hilary — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 17:37:05 +0000

This turned my stomach because I know what some of that feels like. As always, you put it into gorgeous words. Thanks for sharing it.

By: sizzle

sizzle — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:15:22 +0000

Your relationship with your Mom/Sister sounds frighteningly familiar. I feel your pain.

By: suicide_blond

suicide_blond — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 21:03:05 +0000

thank you…
xoxo

By: Kevin Spencer

Kevin Spencer — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 19:54:11 +0000

Yeah, for some, an extended family get together can be so much fun. For others, it can be one of the most stressful experiences ever known to mankind. I fall into the latter category. As such, I always feel a vacation to get over my vacation is in order.

Oh, and anyone who makes grilled cheese sandwiches with Velveeta should be taken out back and, well, you know. Gouda for the win I feel.

By: Brett

Brett — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 19:47:29 +0000

Thank you for that very moving post. It’s such a cliche, but we always hurt the ones we love most- and vice versa. No one ever “gets past it.” Even if we forgive, we can’t forget years and years of family feuds and sibling rivalries. When I was with my family over Thanksgiving, my brother put me in a headlock. And not in a joking way- he has a major temper and I had bruises.

Not to claim I’m totally innocent, either.

Lord the holidays can be tough.. but I hope you have a bright New Year ahead of you.

By: Ulysses

Ulysses — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 06:43:55 +0000

So, tell me more about the “rolled up jean shorts”, the tongue biting, and of what rolls off your back. Then maybe about the lighting the Marlboro.

[Then the part about my being an insensitive jerk just to grab a cheap laugh if you must -- go ahead, take your best shot and transfer some of that anger. There, now doesn't that feel better. No? Then let's try it again...]

By: foundinidaho

foundinidaho — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 23:54:01 +0000

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

You remember that, okay? This is powerful writing and thank you for sharing. I wish you had enjoyed your Christmas more, but best wishes for the New Year. Your family isn’t the only one who puts the “fun” in dysfunctional. Trust me.

By: Mrs. J

Mrs. J — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 23:41:11 +0000

We’ll always be family for you. You are welcome in our home and will will have open arms and lots of wine.

It makes me sad that over and over again, we try to win our parent’s approval. How is it that we can be thrown back to our childhood so quickly by one small act or comment?

I’m finding that friends have turned out to be the family that we want around us. I just hope that I can be a better parent than some of the examples in our lives.

That was a very moving post. We’re here for you.

Lots of love & hugs from all of us.

By: Rebekah

Rebekah — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 14:31:08 +0000

I commend you for your restraint and for trying to avoid the inevitable conflicts… But does your mom think you’re “sulking” if you spend time alone during family things? That’s the one I always get. I’ve just gotten up and walked out from arguments with my sister and am accused of being pouty and childish if i go, but I’d have been called bitter and rude if I’d stayed and had it out.

No win.

By: Doc Think

Doc Think — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 06:28:28 +0000

Gosh, sounds like a tough “christmas.” It makes me wonder why we do these things. Why we let our families hurt us. Why our families hurt us. And why we go back for more. The idea of a family holiday that is a rerun of unresolved childhood crap with mean or manipulative ‘rents makes me wonder if it’s worth it. What would happen if you let yourself slide down the mountain? Maybe it’s too hard to contemplate. Hope your hands heal.

By: JMH

JMH — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 06:12:36 +0000

Anger is delicious, and hurt and all of those things too. I don’t admit that to myself ever. It’s savory. I’ve always preferred savory to sweet. Thanks.

By: J

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 03:29:28 +0000

Oh wow. Sometimes I am so glad to be an only child – except that it means my parents fight each other instead.

By: sillybear

sillybear — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 02:14:48 +0000

Cheers to family (dis)fun(ction).
While on vacation in Disneyland, I got so mad at my mother for the way she dealt with my sister (10 years my junior). I burst into tears, because I knew I wouldn’t have been treated with such leniency under the same circumstances. Here’s to family vacations; this is why they only occur once a year or less!

By: kate.d.

kate.d. — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 00:10:46 +0000

ouch. my dad – whose family could certainly compete in the Dysfunctional Olympics – calls this phenomenon “circling the wagons…and then firing inward.”

hope there’s lots of pinot and relaxation in your future….

By: EDW

EDW — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 23:18:31 +0000

Fuck, that was a good entry.

xoxo.