Not sure if you’d heard, but it appears Obama’s coming to town. He’s bringing a family in tow, and many a better steak from Chicago, I’m guessing. And a puppy. You may not have caught it, what with those few rounds shot in India and Johnny Depp attacking cruise ships on random Tuesdays, but the Obamas are bringing a hypo-allergenic dog to the White House. It’s the biggest thing to hit DC since that stained blue dress.
The people in town are pleased. There are still Dem signs adorning many windows, stickers proudly placed on cars that seemed to have escaped being stolen. We’re a proud city. Something new is on its way, even though we have license plates bearing evidence that we feel little responsibility for change. We feel good. We might high five you in the street. We won’t trample you as you get off the Red Line. We’ll refrain from running over small children and cyclists. Toddlers, at the very least.
The out of towners? They’re fanatics. This is the best thing to hit their parts since Pat Sajak, apparently, and they’re scrambling to come to DC. It’s the only thing that could explain such citizens emptying their bank accounts, giving up all they’ve saved for Johnny’s college fund and that longed-for botox to come to the District for the inauguration. The Blessing? The Coronation. The Unveiling of the Puppy, the one we all hope won’t be some God awful afghan or hairless anything. Let’s be honest.
To accomodate the hysteria, locals are most begrudgingly abandoning their homes to the masses. How much, you ask? The prices are exhorbitant, upwards of 20K per week in prime spots, 5-10K in more distant spots. That K indeed represents thousands of dollars, by the way, just as it likely did in your once-thriving 401K. In one fell swoop, residents are sucking Moms and Pops dry, and in turn making enough dough to support a child at GW for an entire month, or a regrettable Chipotle habit, if only for a full season. No one’s really buying Caps tickets, so that can’t be it.
I’ve thought about subletting my place, with full landlord approval, of course, given that I’m that girl who’s never used a fake ID or a pot brownie, but I’m clearly reticent. I worry about my new slipcover; it’s a clean beige right now. I have some concern over the bathroom too, because it’s a proven fact that all out-of-towners don’t have access to shower shoes or podiatrists. But mostly I have a fear of global attack, my subsequent demise, and the tenants not having the good sense to hide that damn vibrator before my mother arrives. Armageddon, indeed. 10K would be nice, but a girl has to have her priorities.
28 Comments
MAS DINERO!!!!!
This is a no brainer.
we’re toying with the idea too…but, where would I live? and where would my cats live?
Oooh, that would be a tough call. I mean, you’d have to clear everything out. These people would have access to snoop in your panty drawer and read your diary!
They could have my panties for 10k. Think of all the new cute ones you could buy (and slipcovers!) I would do it!
I have to agree with DateWithKate. I mean, for 10K, board the pets, hiring a cleaning service (once for before the out of towners arrive, once for when they leave), and bunk down with a friend. Lock all of your stuff you can’t imagine anyone looking at without getting sick into a closet (install a lock on the closet – I’m from Florida where people rent out their houses all the time. It’s ok to have a locked closet or two), and start taking the offers. The tidy profit you’ll make will more than make the inconvenience worth it. I wish I could rent my house out for a weekend for 10K. That would rock. Forget slipcovers – by a new freaking couch! (or just put on the old slip cover or cover the couch with a sheet and lock the new slip cover in the locked closet).
Why leave town? Rent out your couch for an exhorbitant sum. Ask for applications (with photograph, of course) and then pick the best looking guy. This way you protect your unmentionables and make a large sum of money all while having some eye candy around. There is no way to lose because you know any man willing to spend that kind of money to sleep on a woman’s couch must be outstanding. Or creepy.
I say do it and take the vibe with you.
I’d use a vibrator in front of my mother for $10k. Do it.
Are you crazy? I would kill to make 10K for a week on my place. They could go through every drawer and closet I have for that kind of money. One of the guys I work with’s daughter is renting hers out for $7,500.00.
You never ate a pot brownie…for real? Your friends never even slipped you a pot brownie for fun?
I totally agree with freckledk’s response. Besides that, I have an agreement with my closest friends that should I suffer an untimely demise, they are to empty all evidence of my “secret shoe box” from the premises prior to my mother arriving. God, I have good friends.
I would totally throw you at least $100.00 to sleep on your couch for the maybe 4 days surrounding the inauguration. Maybe even $150.00 except that I already have relatives in the area and I plan on begging them for their couch. Funny, the same housing crisis is hitting my city in KY when we’re hosting the 2010 World Equestrian Games (an event far too big for our little town). You should do it.
I’ve considered it, myself, but then again – I’m not entirely sure that any amount of money can erase from my small apartment the remnanats of strangers touching my things, sleeping in my bed…ewyuckick. I write about skincare and the nasty things that can happen to the skin on a daily basis. I think I’ll just entertain my own germs that week and leave the rest to fend for themselves!
I would so do it. But then, I’m poor. Okay, not poor, just continually broke. 10K would do a lot to ease my mind, build my emergency fund, and buy me a vacation.
WOW! I had no idea people sublet their homes for this. No idea at all.
By the way? You have a rare gift. It’s incredible, you can write about anything – anything – and it’s interesting. It’s always interesting.
I’ll admit…I was skimming this post a little until I got to the last paragraph. Which totally cracked me up!
I have the same agreement with my friends as Susan above…if I die and/or am incapacitated, my parents are not to be allowed in my apartment until the Magical Box has been removed. How they’re going to accomplish this, I have no idea, but they’re the ones that agreed to it so the burden’s on them.
I can’t even find my vibrator. I’m pretty sure one of my daughters is going to walk in with it any day now and ask what it’s for. That’s when I’ll be calling you.
As much as the lure of $$ would tempt me, I don’t think I’d let strangers rent out my furnished apartment. And what would I do with my cats? What if they weren’t nice to them!?
I’ve been struggling with this as well. I know I could ask for a deposit, and draw up the appropriate paperwork… but still, at the end of the day, it just seems like such an invasion of privacy. I put an ad up on CL just to see what I could get, but I’m just not sure I could go through with it unless the price was really, REALLY right.
I see how it’s going to happen now: the eve of inauguration (by then I should be able to spell it without having to tip my head and squint at it thinking it doesn’t look right), I’m out somewhere, and someone special comes up to talk to me, suggests we get to know each other better, and I can’t decide whether she’s really into me or just looking for a soft-touch with a bed to share…
I’ve also gone back and forth on the inauguration renting, but since I have roommates I think the idea has been shot down by one of them. (The McCain supporter of the three of us, funnily enough; you’d think she’d enjoy getting some sort of benefit out of this election if not her President of choice.) I must agree with the others though, pack a bag including the vibrator and buy yourself a vacation to some place warm!
I’m getting a few days of leave around the inauguration because my office is right off the Mall. So I’m going to go to Mexico for a 5-day weekend. If you want to rent out your place and stay at my place in Maryland you are more than welcome. I’m making the most out of this opportunity… you should too.
It IS tempting, though I am outside the city it is very, very close. I feel you with the out-of-towners and their sub-par foot-maintenance. Still, 5K would be pretty sweet.
I’m really looking forward to seeing a sign for the MamaLikey Bed & Breakfast and All Things Kitty Emporium.
And the proper term for Jan. 20 is coronation. I heard he’s going to wear flowing white robes and is even now growing a beard to go for the Surfer Jebus look.
I say stay in town, in your own bed, but use your place as a homebase for overpriced goods that you sell from a red wagon. Stack it with flats of water, oh, and hey, get some of those glow sticks that are fun at night! Kids love those. Or you could just read tarot cards at your kitchen table.
Yeah, I don’t know what I would do in that situation. My best friend has HIS OWN two bedroom place, and could easily make $20K for the week, and he’s hesitating as well.
Where are you?!its been over a week, and your fans from Utah are all getting worried. Miss reading you most evet day. Hope all is well.
Or you could just leave it to me. I know where you live, I’ve cat sat before and I’ll leave you linens smelling like hair product JUST HOW YOU LIKE IT.