I am a traditional woman. I know that the cheap, excessive Pinot and the three-legged animal might lead you to think otherwise, but I’m about as traditional as they come. With some things. If I could bring us back to the days of cotillions and dance cards, I would, although I’d pre-populate said card with men who returned calls and didn’t think Brie was a stripper’s name. I want the norm when it comes to dating, one loosely defined by movies and books and gentlemen originating some time ago. Without all that cheating under the guise of working late on story boards, natch.
I want to be courted. Hold the door, buy my drink, pretend you’d like to meet my family. That isn’t the hard part, of course; the schmooze is a Y-chromosome given that’s programmed with the erection. It’s the follow through beyond light starch that’s important. On the third date, you don’t look over my head not because it’s expected, but because you are a man who could spend hours consumed by people whether you’d spend your life with them or not. You hold my hand because you’re proud to know me and you order the wine not because we haven’t chatted over folded napkins about our preferences, but because it’s a treat. A treat to see my raised eyebrow at your attempted pronunciation of an impossible varietal. Would I ask you to take every inch of me at a family function, despite every urge dictating otherwise, you remind me that there is coffee to be had and quite possibly port, and that there’s time enough for this after your tie is on the bureau for the night. You resist only half of the time.
It’s an odd combination, of course, this woman who wants baseball games and lite beer as well as Chenonceau and Scotch, but it can be done. It’s a matter of getting the moment, of knowing a departure from the norm doesn’t equate to flight from it. Knowing I’ve got the ingredients to bake the cake from scratch but probably won’t, knowing I’ll dress to the nines for your work party, working the room until even you’re longing for Tivo, you knowing all the while I’d rather be in yoga pants and the socks that match. It’s getting that she can be both in one, because no one thrives in the middle.
28 Comments
Nothing wrong with traditional. I like to receive flowers and have the car door opened for me too. My question is what is the man-quivalent of sending flowers? Men? Anyone? Bueller?
Hmmm. We consider those courtesies, yes? Something that lets us know he’s thinking about us, respects us? I think of it in terms of giving back, if that makes sense. But A Get Out of Jail Free Card for family or friend events doesn’t really carry the same weight. Will keep thinking and try not to hurt myself while doing it.
Some man is going to be very very very lucky to have you in his life. I’m jealous of him.
Peace
But isn’t this normal for women today?
I mean, I can work on my car and drink beer with the guys, but I still want him to open doors for me and give me his jacket when I’m cold….
For him — little love notes, making his favorite food for dinner even if you hate it, the random blow job when he’s not expecting it. Those are his courtesies, methinks. Gentlemen, correct me if I’m wrong.
Ah, to find a man who will accept me as am and not feel his manhood threatened by my independence and capability. There’s the rub.
You and me are very similar, my friend.
You can like baseball and lite beer and fancy things. It is what makes you who you are. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. And wanting to be courted and treated will just makes you human. We should all expect, and give, as much.
There is nothing wrong with having high standards, Kris. You don’t want a douchebag: you want someone who is worthy of both your Yuengling and your Glenlivet, you know?
One other thing. If you want a man to treat you like a lady, let him know you appreciate it occasionally. I’m not saying to say thank you every time he opens a door for you but every once in awhile just hold him around the waist, lean back, look him in the eyes and tell him he makes you feel like a lady and you love him for it. I’ve found that many women take it for granted and never are grateful.
It’s just nice to be appreciated at times.
Peace
I absolutely love this- what a perfect description of how I, and I’m sure many other women, feel. It is a difficult thing to find someone who complements that dichotomy, but a priceless achievement when you do.
I love this post.
this is why you’re not in a BAD, trashy relationship with a jerk who cheats on you and is more interesting in playing with his budddies. its also why you’re not settling for someone who bores you all the while wondering who else must be out there that you’re missing out on. lastly, it is also why it will take time to find such a man. and when you do, it will be all the sweeter.
The man-quivalent of sending flowers is getting Caps tickets.
Yoga pants and socks that match. I would have pinned you for unmatching socks. I love this post :) It can be done.
Preach it, sister! Preach it!
I love this post. Particularly in conjunction with your latest tweet.
I can do both world easily as well. It’s funny if I think about it, my father did this for me, drunk shambles that he is now. He was a country kid but grew up to be very successful in a quiet way in the Silicon Valley. While his upbringing was strictly countrified, he dabbled in all things gentrified. I don’t think I realized until just this moment that he was trying to expose me to things that was a foreign as Chinese to my grandfather. Interesting. And even more interesting is guys who are so insecure they think because you might know or enjoy something about “finer” things that you are a snob. I’m glad I also think one of the finer things is good Mexican and a Dos Equis.
There are so many things about this post that I love and I agree with you, K…wholeheartedly. I know women are counseled against being too picky and etc., when dating, but given that at some point, a date might morph into a BF who shares your body and more besides, i just don’t think anyone can be too picky. So I say keep it up, my friend. You are an inspiration.
wooing is great, but even better if it lasts beyond courtship. i want to be wooed well beyond our 20th anniversary. it doesn’t have to stop once you say “i do.”
YEAH! I want that too!
I want a fancy Saturday night to be followed by a lazy sunday afternoon.
I really like your blog (I just typed you’re, but then I realized what I had done)
~SMurF
So, if you find this guy will you ask him if he has a brother?
Yea, where is this guy? I need him too.
Someone who is reflective and considerate.
Who sees the wonder of you and seeks it out.
Who can discern the feelings behind traditions and respects them, but doesn’t confuse that with respecting the traditions themselves.
Who knows some bad wines are still palateable when you drink them together, but not all.
I want someone who will stay interested after they find out that I (like everyone else in this world) is just a regular person.
I’m beginning to think that the Gentleman is a mythical creature much like el Chupacabra or the Yeti.
I’m a big believer in treat others as you would like to be treated and we all have every right to be with someone who is kind and considerate. Unfortunately I’m married to a farm animal who wouldn’t know chivalry if it opened the door for him.
The Gentleman is not mythical, though sometimes he borrows a mythological name…
Brie isn’t a stripper’s name. It’s Bree.
Or Tragedy.
Which is ironically what they all should be named.
You write very, very well. I enjoyed reading your post.
A passerby on the superhighway…
You’ll find the right guy! You can do eet!
Happy Thanksgiving ( :