There’s a container of brownies in the work kitchen and they’re calling my name. It’s not the normal kind of call that red wine makes, which is more of a low, slow Barry White type of call, with some really lovely and unexpected boyish undertones. It’s certainly not the same as the Milk Duds in the entryway. They are almost fratty; more than anything else, those guys catcall when I walk to the restroom. And it’s that kind of behavior that keeps me from eating any of them. That and the fact that you can always feel your pudge a little bit more when you’re walking. No, the brownies have the voice of the guy I once dated who I’d smartly toss and let back in only weeks later, in one of those truly healthy cycles of the singleton. The brownie’s call is one of sweet perfection, one of comfort, one that promises me a perfect match of goo and crumble. Unfortunately, they are just no good for me. So I wish they’d stop calling.
Notice that the yogurt in the fridge is mute. As are the celery and the apples. I hear absolutely nothing out of them.
27 Comments
You realize that the yogurt isn’t saying anything because it’s cultured.
I work in a building with an Au Bon Pain, and their cheesecake brownies are exactly the same way… though I swear I hear screams everytime I even glance at the little bags of mini-carrots
Haha, Nathan.
The celery has to be quiet, because it stalks. (sorry. that wasn’t as funny)
I’m eating a delicious homemade cookie as I type this. Life is unfair.
Don’t do it. I gave in to the call of an awesome lookin’ brownie this morning. All chocolate frosting and halloween sprinkles… I WANTED that bad boy, so i got it.
And threw most of it away.. WAAYYYY too rich. I shoulda known…
Hush, hush
Thought I heard a brownie calling my name now
Hush, hush,
Brownie broke my heart but I love her just the same now
Hush, hush
Thought I heard a brownie calling my name now
Hush, hush
I need a brownie’s loving and I’m not to blame now…
Brownie’s got it early in the morning…
Brownie’s got it late in the evening…
Well, I want that, need it
Oh, I gotta gotta have it!
Those decisions are always easier whilst sober… How often I find myself at 11pm sloppily texting the damn brownies.
Once you go brownie, you’ll never wear a frownie.
Yeah, it’s Friday afternoon and I got nothing. Mea culpa.
Is there not a stash of fresh veggies in the fridge? Freshly-picked apples? A chicken my boyfriend baked the other night?
Yes. And I am eating a meatball Hot Pocket.
Om nom nom.
You’re right to state that smacks are a lot like men. It’s never the Good Boys/Snacks who make you drool, the vegetables whispering you name. No, It’s always the Bad Boys/Snacks that chew you up and spit you out; make you forget all your promises that all you ever wanted was pure, true Love. Desire makes a Fool of us all.
All of my fun is up in the freezer, his name is Cherry Garcia.
And I’m sorry to do this, but I was tagged and now, so are you. But I don’t know how to make a link to my post in which I announce that you’ve been tagged, so maybe you are off the hook!
Oh Kris! I am so sorry…I think that your mute celery and apple problems are all myfault. I’m pretty sure they are too busy talking to my yogurt and carrots to pay any attention to you, and thus, sent the brownies in to do the job.
I hang my head in shame. Would it be any consolation if I said I would be willing to bribe with red wine to make amends?? ;-)
You are a gift to me. You make me literally laugh out loud. But not like the sinister evil scientist who just fulfilled his evil plan laugh the peanut M&Ms make going down my throat.
Why can’t the fruit and veggies have a mob uprising? Cuz I seriously need them to drown out the sweets.
You just put my daily struggle into words PERFECTLY. I read it to my husband, but he just doesn’t get it. *sigh*
it’s not like me to give advice - honest - but don’t do it, I ate a whole box of praline chocs today and feel sick - their callings are just a trick…a trick I say!
Oh, indeedy. I have one remaining slice of birthday cake (it was my birthday yesterday) that has slipped up beside me in a tight, nightclub singer dress and is whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
Look here are the problems you have caused me in the last minute:
1) Now I want brownies.
2) Now I have a gospel song stuck in my head mixed with the one from Deep Purple. There is no way to know which one you intended for me.
3) Now both songs make be want to eat brownies.
Oh, I hate it when baked goods taunt. So uncalled for :)
By the way, I tagged you in my blog.
What’s this about tagging?
I’m shocked to find there’s gambling in Casablanca. No more whining about post topics.
I’m getting quite good at typing whilst a puppy sits on my lap btw. I don’t, however, believe it is ergonomically correct.
Oh, I know the sweet call well ~ (
Strawberry Fanta has been calling my name at least five times a day. I might have to leave a fake number to get rid of him.
Hey Girlfriend…
Did those Brownies attack you and take you hostage in the fridge (I bet your cell phone doesn’t work in there). Where have you been for three days, …fasting? … Did you take the last “train to ‘chocs’ville?… You okay?…Did you put yourself in rehab, ‘C.A.’–Chocoholics Anonymous?
Hmmm.. I feel bad, because I just tagged you and now looking at your comments, I see you already got tagged. I guess if you’re up for it you can go to my blog and check out the rules - pretty standard really…
If only you could give those brownies their own ring tone. Something like ‘You Give Love (A Bad Name)’ or ‘Goodbye to You’ - so you would be reminded of their toxicity before allowing yourself to be stuffed. yet again, with such unhealthy fare.
” … promises me a perfect match of goo and crumble.” SO TRUE. Brownies are the work of the devil. So. Good.
Hiya, new reader here.
We share a city and a love affair with reds! YAY! :)
And I’m super pissed I missed BlogHerDC. Dammit. I gotta pay more attention and stop drinking so much… I’m missing the good stuff…
I’ve added you to my reader, can’t wait to read more. Please check out my blog too! :P
celery is the WORST.