I’m in Venice!

Yeah, no not really. I should have been in Venice at 3 this morning, but some stubborn gate agents put the kibosh on that pipe dream. Kris showed to the airport early, went through security early, and made the silly, silly choice to show up to her gate with 20 minutes left in boarding. Twenty minutes. And the gate agents told her that she was denied boarding as well as clear skin and a lifemate and that the doors were already shut.

Let the record show that I have flown hundreds of times in my life, and that in not a one of those flights have the doors been shut eight minutes after actual boarding began. It must be some kind of world record. Because on all the flights I’ve been on, at least 10 minutes after the doors should have closed, the agents are carrying a drunk guy on their shoulders after finding him passed out at the Chili’s to Go, or high fiving some late businessman who decided his time BBerrying pre-security was more important than mine.

I pressed the agents. You cannot be serious. There is still 20 minutes left. Please let me on the plane, I have a connection to Europe to make in three hours. NO. Is there another flight to Philly that I can catch? NOT TONIGHT. YOU CAN GO TOMORROW AT THE SAME TIME. So I’m losing a day in Europe because of this. YES. When will my bag get to Venice? TONIGHT.

I really hope my underwear and bras are enjoying the Grand Canal and not text messaging their friends. Ungrateful savages.

36 Comments

  1. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Wow! Does she know that Venice is sinking and that we don’t have that much time left with it? And I’m not going to even mention the Rapture.

  2. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    I really can’t believe they didn’t let you on (but of course I DO believe you as you are telling me from D.C. not Venice). I hope you write a strongly worded letter to the airline and tell them to SUCK IT.

    Have a doubly fantastic time to make up for that lost day!

  3. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Are you kidding me? What TURDS! (I’m bringing “turd” back. It’s a classic.)

  4. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    I’m very glad I decided not to stow away in your luggage at the last second just for a free trip to Venice. Because hanging out at the airport locker for unclaimed luggage is no fun.

    I remember it all too well from my last trip.

    Don’t worry. Venice will still be there. Enjoy today’s trip. And I hope you get the very same gate agent if you’re lucky. And that agent isn’t.

  5. Michael
    Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Europe’s overrated. Omaha, Nebraska, is lovely in October. And you can take a train!

  6. Gwen
    Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    OH MY GOD! I am beating my head against the wall for you. Hard. And that kinda hurts.

    Hope today’s flight goes better.

  7. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    That blows, but it *is* the regulation. For international flights, they’re getting closer and closer to actually enforcing it (so close that they actually did for your flight apparently). Hopefully you can still make the flights work.

  8. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Actually, this was a domestic flight – the cutoff is 15 mins. I checked it, so I could put it in my letter to the air gods. :)

  9. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Shut. Up. I mean, wait, that was for a domestic flight? International has a 30min lock-and-load rule but domestic is ten. And them bitches at AirTran don’t budge on that ten. Just ask my friend who had to button and zip her jeans while running from toilet to 17F.

    Bon voyage!

  10. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    No way! Oh, I would be so pissed…

    I hope you have a WONDERFUL time once you (finally) get there! :)

  11. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    I just mentally gave some ticket agents wicked shin kicks.

  12. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    that is the biggest suck! what a bunch of asshats.

  13. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Travelling post-9/11 is excrutiating.

  14. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    And the airlines wonder why they are losing money. Why? They are fucktards, that’s why.

  15. Michael
    Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    They were probably overbooked. In those cases, it’s first come, first served. Once all seats are filled, you can’t get on. Never tarry at airports, is my motto.

  16. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    OMG I would be sooooo angry. 20 min left in boarding??? Thats an ETERNITY! What assclowns.

  17. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Yet another reason the airlines must die.

    And let your undies have a good time without you. They’re probably meeting some handsome Italian undies on the luggage conveyer belt.

  18. Karen in DE
    Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    I hope you were planning on demanding some sort of compensation for your inconvenience in that letter you write, only no threatening them, you do NOT want to end up on a TSA watch list!

  19. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    You have got to be kidding me. With all of the flack the airlines have been dishing out lately, all of the crap that we put up with…they would NOT let you board? What airline was this? I think a well-timed editorial to the WP is in order, K…I really do. THAT just makes me ashamed to be a human who spends money on air travel. How birds must laugh at us…

    But because I refuse to end on a bad note, when you are on your way to Italy, have a fantastic trip, and know that karma will avenge you.

  20. Kathryn
    Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    um, they let your luggage stay on the plane without you?? that’s kinda, sorta AGAINST THE RULES for fighting terrorism and that kind of thing

  21. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Oh my crap, that sucks immensely.

  22. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Yet another reason to hate Dulles (I’m assuming it is Dulles because it is the gateway to hell). In all seriousness, having experienced this (to Bermuda, not even exotic) I am so so so sorry. Please drink as much free wine as possible on the flight over. And flirt with the flight attendants.In italiano.

  23. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    My one experience flying out of Dulles is that it IS the gateway to hell. That’s a pisser. Have fun when you get there!

  24. Posted 09.18.08 | Permalink

    Please ask your underwear for a blog post…we want Details!

  25. Posted 09.19.08 | Permalink

    That sucks so hard. Airlines Are Evil. Your bras and underwear are so lucky. Hopefully you can all be reunited soon!

  26. Posted 09.19.08 | Permalink

    I would be losing my mind! I almost had the same thing happen to me in Spain when my husband and I got lost on the way to the airport. I can’t BELIEVE that they wouldn’t let you on the plane. I’m mad just reading about it.

  27. Posted 09.19.08 | Permalink

    Had that been me, I would have gotten myself arrested. You poor, resilient lamb.

  28. Posted 09.19.08 | Permalink

    I’m with Kathryn on the luggage thing–I hope it hasn’t gone missing ’cause I’m pretty sure part of the whole post-911 rules thing was that nobody’s luggage goes on without them. It would *truly* suck if your luggage got lost!

  29. Posted 09.19.08 | Permalink

    Jebus! What a bunch of hard-asses! I guess whatever airline that used the “We love to make you smile” motto is casting about for something new in order to sell the notion that ALMOST making it onto the plane is a good as actually it.

  30. Posted 09.20.08 | Permalink

    god. you are brilliant…just been catching up. your piece on “studying pedicals” is spot on and brilliant. Hail You! Throwing rose petals before you. x janelle

  31. Posted 09.20.08 | Permalink

    flip. meant pediCURES…god. z

  32. Posted 09.20.08 | Permalink

    just read your blog, absolutely love it.

    and traveling abroad is such a bastard. the airlines literally want you to suffer. they’re probably talking about what happened to you right now and laughing behind your back.

    have an amazing time though when you get there! :)

  33. Posted 09.20.08 | Permalink

    That f-ing sucks! Am I allowed to drop the f-bomb here? Hope so, cause I’m not sure anything else would do it justice. I’m so sorry you lost a day to the airport punks.

  34. Posted 09.21.08 | Permalink

    This happened to me a few years ago and I LOST IT with the airline agents at the gate. I YELLED at them. Something to the effect of, “You mean you are really not going to let me on that plane that is sitting RIGHT THERE OUTSIDE THAT WINDOW not moving or looking like it is about to move?”

    And they were like, No.

    I hate that you were deprived of a day in Europe by this nonsense. Bastards.

  35. Posted 09.22.08 | Permalink

    That sucks.

  36. Posted 09.27.08 | Permalink

    Which airline was this? Just curious.

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