Some of you may have noticed that I have yet to fill my links page. I can’t bring myself to do it, to be honest. I can’t bring myself to pick and choose, to decide who is worthy and who isn’t. It smacks of high school, frankly, like most things do in the blogosphere as of late. It’s frustrating. Maddening. Suffocating. It’s no longer about who you think writes well, whose turn of phrase leaves you swirling your bra over your head and raising your glass of Pinot. It’s about popularity, who knows whom, who spent a weekend devoted to another blogger at her apartment in Anytown, leaving with one of her Etsy bags and getting a link via her latest post. It’s Facebook extended. And there doesn’t seem to be room enough for all of us.
Plenty of folks will have no idea what I’m talking about, and I hope they enjoy that status. It’s the place to be, as far as I’m concerned. Because somehow, somewhere, our URLs became a little high schoolish, perhaps elementary, dear Watson, harkening back to an era when our training bras made us fold in half in the locker room, when we despised our reflections in the mirror. It’s small in the greatest sense of the word, and it’s more than what I wrote about in 2005. That was about divisions within a stable community, about folks who revered others and sought their own growth. This new reality is about Tweets that sabotage and Facebook comments that judge and more shit than I ever thought we’d engage in. I care not about that preposition.
There is so much junk floating around the community, so much crap, that at times I no longer want to be a part of it. There are women, now well known, who have handled themselves with great aplomb, great grace and unnecessary apologies, and there are others that need a reality check. You do know what it is that we do, don’t you? We write for the nameless, faceless masses, who perhaps offer up an avatar for our consumption? If we’re honest, we were all fucking nerds at the outset. Some of us more successful than others, some demonstrating more cheerleader pyramid than flute prowess. But really, do any of us have room to play social chair? To determine who lives and dies in the world of online writing? You know we don’t. You know you don’t. And if you’ve felt like you did in the past six months, chances are you’re one of the offenders.
I can’t help but enlist the assistance of a local boy, of course without the approval of his trademark/copyright/flagrant sponsorship attorneys, but I’ll risk it. Did you see what Michael Phelps did when he won that last gold? The one that established his place not in a world of 7 million blogs – half of them anime and Cialis ads, to boot? He didn’t pull the equivalent of what’s been happening lately in these parts. He didn’t throw his relay squad in the water, didn’t accuse them of not wanting the best. He thanked them for lifting him up, for doing their part. He embraced them and their 4 am practice support. Which is what every fucking one of us should be doing for the other. We are all the reason the others exist. We are all the reason we make gas money – Diet Coke money? – off of these sites. We are a blip, regardless of whether we live off our ad money or not, and it’s high time everyone realized it.
In my humble, nerdy opinion, the blogging Interwebs needs one huge shot of tequila, a group hug, and a reminder to read the memo that it needs to get over its damn self. Keep writing, keep humoring yourself, keep doing what you did in high school that made the kids close to you know they’d know you for a lifetime. Chances are this isn’t going to be your ticket to the big time, and even if it is, it certainly isn’t going to put you atop that cheerleading pyramid. So be fucking nice. Get back to why you did this in the first place. Besides, they put the smart, carpal tunnel girls at the bottom of the pyramid, anyway.
48 Comments
That’s why it’s sometimes nice to be an unknown blogger, no one cares who I link to and I REALLY don’t care who links to me. I’m over the popularity contest, I was in a sorority–it was quite enough.
AAAAAAAAAAA. MEN.
Word.
What they said.
Can I have a martini instead? Tequila makes me barf.
I also didn’t realize it was a popularity contest! Which is good, because I don’t think I’m winning.
There are times I would like to have a bunch of readers and comments numbering in the double digits - but your post reminded me of why sometimes it’s better to just be unknown in the blogosphere. Who wants to go through high school a 2nd time?
I definitely couldn’t have said it better myself.
A-freakin-men.
Wow, this is way better said than the post I deleted last Thursday. You know the one where I said, “when I quit blogging, I’m going down in a big ‘ol blaze of glory.”
I’m not “Internet famous” nor do I wish to be. I hope that folks who see what I put here and are entertained/informed/amused/ bemused,etc… if not, hit the next blog button until you find someone that is. I am only occasionally Witty; more than half the time I’m Half-Witty at best, but that’s more the truth about most than not, in my experience.
I love your writing. I applaude you for calling out the white elephant in the room and taking a stand. Much more interesting, original and worth coming back to!
confession: I was thrilled when you emailed me a reply to a comment I left here because yes I am THAT much of a geek (and proud of it!) and think you are fab
last week I became aware of an entire sector of these interwebs devoted to nothing more than trashing other female bloggers and it left me confused and more than a little sad
excellent post
What did you say? It is hard to hear you above all of the hair pulling, cat fighting shrieks.
I don’t know about all this stuff — just enjoy what you do and don’t worry about these other bloggers.
yeah, i’ve seen some of that snarky writing on blogs, and i remember some of those bloggers before they were good reads and the only reason they got there is because people like us enjoyed them… but once a book deal is mentioned.. the little blog readers are quickly forgotten. And I’ve also noticed that the quality of their blog seems to fade as well.
Here, here.
Or is it hear, hear?
I never can remember.
Nice work!
I’d prefer to be at the bottom of the pyramid with you. You’re a wicked smartie, you are.
I hope you’ll be joining me for that massive shot of tequila. We can always keep it on the DL - pinky swearing not to blog about it the next day.
Hmmm… I have to admit I fall prey to wishing more people read and commented on my blog… Not sure if it is a “I want to be popular” thing or a “I want to know if this crap I write touches people” thing. But on the flip side, I don’t get nasty remarks when I only have one commenter. :-)
Hear! hear!
I remember that post well! I think it might have been the first time I commented on your blog. Three years ago?? Hard to believe!
Once again, well said. We bloggers go through highs and lows. There was a time I got comments in the triple digits, now I am lucky if they hit double digits. And do I care? No.
Well maybe a little.
Once upon a time, my goal was to be fully integrated into the blogging community. Then I started reading a bunch of blogs (because that is how one accomplishes such things. One reads blogs, comments, forcing the other person to hopefully read yours, eventually like, rinse, repeat). Then the interblog warfare started (or restarted) and everyone got all drama-y. And I realized that I didn’t actually LIKE a lot of the blogs I was reading, so what was the point? It’s entirely ridiculous how caught up in interweb warfare people get.
What are these links you speak of? I thought all that space over there was supposed to be taken up with adverts for products that are completely inappropriate for me.
And if the intertubes were high school, I’d still probably be on a first name basis with the disciplinarian vice principal.
Life is good. Let’s keep it that way.
Hey, what’s wrong with Cialis? You know, for old guys. ;)
I never wore a training bra, so can’t comment knowledgeably.
Facebook? Must have missed that.
You do nerdy well. I like that.
And you’re quite right. Sometimes all of life seems to be one big high school. Political Washington certainly attained that dubious goal long ago.
God, you’re fucking brilliant. Seriously.
It’s official. You are now destined to be my next ex-wife.
I completely agree with you. Thanks for staying true and not getting sucked into the popularity contest. Lurkers like me appreciate it! I was a member of a message board once. It didn’t take very long to implode once the high school drama began. I suppose it is a human instinct to create a monster out of something that started out good. Sad but true.
Preach it, sista!
And now you have found daddymolson, who will be your very first ex-husband–and all due to blogging. Isn’t this a great country!
The way I avoid it? By avoiding it; oh and I play dumb A LOT!! Once we learn to ignore them and not give the negative aspect air time or engagement then we as bloggers will win. I hope.
i’m so unpopular i didn’t even know it was an issue. but now that i do, and realize i’m even more unpopular than i ever knew… i agree! but i’m also depressed.
I was directed here today by Gwen (apparently she thought I could benefit by seeing it) but I see some of my favorite people in your comment section so I’m not sure what took me so long…
anyway, bravo.
I have links, so I</b can remember which blogs I read. Likewise, I hardly ever look at anyone else’s links unless I’m perusing for new reading material. People are ridiculously immature, but if were all impeccable socialites, we wouldn’t be blogging, would we? If we were all living the life of amazing dinner parties that I see in Real Simple, then we probably wouldn’t be online looking for acknowledgment of our quirks…
Yes!Yes! YES!
Especially the be fucking nice part. Because nothing else really matters.
I’ve never been more grateful for my slide into obscurity than I am at this moment–I’m no longer even aware of any shennanigans.
Well played.
I admit to checking the blog stats more than I ought - the high school self-esteem problems never left me. I want the cool kids to like me!
I know I’ll never get a Jen Lancaster book deal out of it or be a byword for blogger rights like Dooce, but damn, do I like to come home from work and just write shit down sometimes. Link me or don’t, read me or don’t. I’ve noticed that I get more hits on days when I write crap than on days where I think I have an interesting or insightful story. I don’t let that encourage me to write crap, but I don’t let it discourage me either if all that comes off the keyboard is a jumbled mess that I just have to spill.
Sometimes I think I should take away the counter, but I’m weak enough that I still need a fix once in awhile.
Girl, you read my mind.
Even if one isn’t acknowledged Alpha Blogger with 1,200 comments every day…I still think popularity is relative. I’m stunned when those who struggle to get a dozen comments for a post tell me they envy my 40 (on a rare and good day)…because I catch myself thinking about those who get 100. And maybe those…well…you know. You said a mouthful, Kris. It needed to be said. We all make each other possible. Linking is great, but it’s not all there is. I like to see what others like to read, but it’s not a life or death situation. Link or don’t. I’m still coming back here to read and you can’t stop me :)
We all need a good healthy bitch slap once in awhile. I’m a big fan of that premise, and of you. NICE is good. Nice is very much needed. Though, just like in high school, in life, in every arena, there will always be those who thrive on drama, and will create it at all costs. It’s a particularly unflattering shade of life, but what’s awesome is that we as individuals can strive to rise above the bullshit on a daily basis. I’m thankful for that. And for the amazing non-drama I’m able to enjoy from talented writers and friends on a daily basis.
Brilliant. And, thank you for saying what I believe many have thought and what desperately needed saying.
This corner of the internet is most certainly a curious magnification of seventh grade. And on so many levels.
Anyway, I think just like anything in life, you’ve gotta define it according to you. In a perfect world, it is something different for everyone. Clearly the world ain’t perfect. Even still, you nailed it on the head, sister girlfriend (double snap).
Hells yeah.
For what it’s worth, I think you should just put up links to blogs that you actually read, regardless of how “cool” those bloggers are in the minds of the homecoming blog king and queen.
Also? I use my sitemeter to keep track of a former friend who enjoys stalking me. I have no idea why.
My blogroll is for me, no one else. I’m not smart enough to figure out Google Reader and I forget about bookmarks, so I like the blogroll because I have it set to tell me when my favorites have posted a new blog.
But, yeah, I know what you mean with some folks getting their feelings hurt if they add a blog to the roll and then the other doesn’t return the favor. It is a little high school.
If you ever link me to your blog I will sue you for every corkscrew you own! :)
Peace
I enjoyed reading this post and felt like it was a good opportunity to leave a comment for my first time. I have been reading several blogs for about a year now and rarely do I leave a comment. I guess I am afraid to speak up partially due to the popularity contest out there and the fact that I didn’t have a blog to be able to connect back to people… until yesterday. So I have been thinking about the reasons I have wanted to start a blog. In some ways I want to be a part of the blogging community and on the other hand I don’t want the drama or the competition. The positive side is what do I want… some new friendships, stories and experiences to share, and keeping friends and family updated on what is going on in my life.
Thanks Kris for the good stories and laughs!
@
Amen.
Sometimes I wish I had never started having a blogroll because of everything you said.
I never knew this was going on. Granted, I’m extremely flattered when someone adds me to their blogroll. I wouldn’t expect it… sometimes I am even hopeful that no one will leave a judgemental comment and I can just release the truth into oblivion.
If people are petty, then I probably wouldn’t want them reading my blog in the first place.
That’s why I dropped out of the metaphorical high school. I pick my friends one at a time, and don’t allow myself to participate in circles of friends. Like the poster says, none of us is as dumb as all of us.