Comments on: With or Without You

By: The switch « printed words

The switch « printed words — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 11:55:56 +0000

[...] From here. [...]

By: MereCat

MereCat — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 23:14:54 +0000

You are a good girl. Insightful, meaningful, and appreciative. Nice post about forgiveness. And it never referenced religion even once. Not that there’s anything wrong with religion, it’s just that rarely can a discussion on forgiveness take place without depending on a religious reference or two.

By: KB

KB — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 02:08:41 +0000

Aww, I was just kidding about the Kid Rock song! Don’t be mad! :)

I hope I’m one of your 4am friends. Although you’ve never called me at 4am, but I would answer if you did.

By: truly

truly — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 02:02:46 +0000

Kris,

Could you teach this wisdom to my aged obstinate battling uncle and his brother – both supposedly incredibly erudite men?

And btw, a friend pointed out that my beverage tonight, cold sake, served in a Japanese laminate box, is really “boxed wine.”

Thank you for being.

By: surviving revival

surviving revival — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 01:00:29 +0000

Yes, you are my long lost sister. I *knew* it!

By: wildbill

wildbill — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:14:41 +0000

I struggle with this issue. I have problems involving the switch. I’d like to forgive everyone and move on. I have a problem with Intention. I really feel that there is too little time in life to waste with folks who have demonstrated that they aren’t your friend. Once there, forgiveness isn’t an option (and shouldn’t be) It will be seen (and is) Weakness. I can Forgive, but not Forget. Otherwise I will never learn from my mistakes because they are not seen for what they are-mistakes.

By: kitkat

kitkat — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:58:48 +0000

I suppose it’s all about how the offenders make you feel. I’ve known people who forgive and forgive and forgive, but eventually it takes a toll on them. Maybe they really aren’t forgiving. Then again, it’s all about what the offense is too.

I hold the occasional grudge. Everything in moderation I guess.

By: freckledk

freckledk — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:46:41 +0000

If you weren’t cuter and younger than I, I’d think us to be separated at birth. I’m the exact same way.

And, you know, sometimes it blows, being unable to switch off. But it really is a wonderful quality to possess, when you get right down to it. Own it.

By: yet to come!

yet to come! — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:42:24 +0000

Oh, no! Will you please keep this way! I’m trying to get rid of the switch, and it’s not easy. Thanks–your post was food for thought :-)

By: Ryane

Ryane — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:38:49 +0000

Your ability to do this is a testament to the fabulous woman and person you are, Kris. Don’t flip the switch; life is much better lived having given out dozens of second, third, even 47th chances, than closing a door completely.

By: kimmer

kimmer — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:18:12 +0000

Have a pal for 30 years. She has me banging my head against a brick wall not once, not twice, but three f’n times in 6 months. 3 strikes you’re out I think! After a few days of ranting and raving to myself I realize she is not me – she can only be she. Sometimes acceptance is all you can do.

By: nelle

nelle — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:10:35 +0000

Unfortunately I find myself in this situation mostly with family members. That means the switch can never really go completely off (unless its life threatening but its not like that). I’ve found that limiting communication helps immensely. And not putting myself into situations where I know I will be taken advantage of. Some people are the way they are and you just have to accept it if you want them in your life.

By: elise

elise — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:45:47 +0000

I’m feeling this is timely for me as well. I recently had a situation very similar to jessabean up there, with the old friend who had seriously broken my heart (switch DEFINITELY turned to off on her) got back in contact with me. I tried to see if my switch could be on; tried to let the past remain in the past – but I just couldn’t.

I think as we get older (yikes) we sort of get more comfortable in our self-preservation mode. If we NEED to have that switch off to survive happily and keep toxic out, it will remain off. If we’re just TRYING to keep it off to “teach someone a lesson” it just keeps sliding back to on.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:44:42 +0000

I think it’s a matter of balance. I rarely bother hating someone; it takes too much time and effort, and like others have said, compassion is important and forgiveness necessary for everyone. BUT what I have realized is that sometimes it is necessary for me to not let some people back into my life. Not an angry, ‘you screwed me over 2134347897 times and I hate you’ refusal, but a calm, ‘listen, I understand what you did and why you did it and I forgive you, but it is healthier for me to not put myself in these situations.’ Not that there aren’t people I’m still bitter about/against, but that is more because they screwed me and never bothered to apologize. I’m working on letting those go, too. All this people stuff can be so complicated…

By: TrappedInColorado

TrappedInColorado — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:10:52 +0000

Nice. Really a fine piece of blogging. Very few of my friends know of my other friends also. I work hard at eliminating hate. I practice (since it will be impossible to become an expert at it)instant forgiveness. However, should you disrespect me or seriously wrong me I will simply not put myself in that position to let that happen again. So, they lose. Because we all know that us easy going people are gifts.

Peace

By: jessabean

jessabean — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:47:02 +0000

What a timely post. I walked away from someone years ago and kind of wondered if I was holding too much of a grudge. She tried to get in touch again recently, and though I really, really want to be that forgiving/Zen/puppies in the field person…after a few emails I shut that switch to OFF permanently (maybe I added a middle finger in there somewhere, but hey, I’m human).

I agree with skyzi…I think I’m learning to realize who isn’t deserving of the ON switch. I’m okay with letting go of people who waste my time so that I can better spend it with those I love and who love me back.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:11:43 +0000

My switch is stuck in the middle. Not easy to screw over, but flexible enough not to notice most transgressions. Or maybe I just finally have some decent people around me. (Nope, that can’t be it.)

By: John

John — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:08:04 +0000

One of the better parts; or perhaps the best part, of human nature is that our capacity for compassion increases with our years. Other virtues (like wisdom and objectivity) play into this as well. As you eluded to, there is almost never any situation whereupon I am upset with someone for some transgression that I myself have not been guilty of at least once somewhere in my past. Remembering this helps me to forgive and return to a peaceful place faster.

By: Gwen

Gwen — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:06:34 +0000

I have no off switch, for better or worse. I really don’t understand people who do, honestly. Not that I fault anyone for the ability to make that cut; I just don’t have it in me. However, I am also not a person who gets very close to people, so maybe that’s why I have no need of that switch. If you don’t care that much, it doesn’t hurt much, either.

By: t2ed

t2ed — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:46:01 +0000

I agree with skyzi. But I’ve always said it a little different. Life is too short to hang out with asshats.

By: skyzi

skyzi — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:43:52 +0000

I like to think that over time I have refined the switch. It takes more for me to go into permanent off mode. I have realized that some people just don’t deserve my “on” time. Life is too short to waste time on grudges and people who don’t give me joy long term!