Now that I’ve stopped waah waah waaaaaahing about not going to BlogHer – as far as you know – I should reveal that I’m embarking on a few trips for the next month. Trips for work that I’m thrilled about, to places familiar and other spots wild and unexplored. Just like an aging Bindi Irwin. Or not.
If you’ve been around for a while, you know that I traveled a good bit as a child. In Europe mostly. London, Antwerp, Paris, Munich, Vienna, Tunis for a tryst with the hairiest of camels, and other destinations embedded in memory by what color crayon I used to draw on the walls. Sadly, however, before age 30 I hadn’t been west of Purdue University, where in my days of Jesus I spent a full week fellowshipping with other Presbyterians to the lyrical stylings of Michael W. Smith. It’s slightly sad that I thought all of college would be like that. Turns out casual sex and Natty Light pale in comparison to the warmth of Christ’s love.
It was a spark of God’s genius that sent me across America after graduate school. Work asked that I make glorious visits to California and Arizona and Nevada and – gasp! – states like Missouri! Turns out there are parts of America beyond the confines and great pizza of the Northeast, and not everyone there is toothless or related.
And so this NE snob was educated.
And I went to each spot despite an exhausting fear of flying. Not that normal level of fear, that which gives you sweaty palms and a tendency to talk much too much to your strapped-in neighbor. Mine is much more of a commandeer the drink cart sort of thing, the kind that prompts you to remind a friend pre-emptively that she gets the cats should your 737 go down. On a day flight to London, I once laced my OJ with enough Klonopin to kill a large man freed despite a bloody glove. I then made insta-friends with everyone in coach, bat wings waving, be they nuns or married businessmen or the girl next to me who after five hours termed me “Crazy Kris.” When I emerged from customs 45 minutes after the last passenger, given that I was just checking out the cockpit (Gawd! No big deal!), I’m sure it was shining moment for both parents. Right up there with my appearance in JV tennis and a few scholarly publications.
And so for the next month I will fly to the North, South, West, and Midwest and do my best to avoid the TSA straightjacket. And I’ll do what I love while visiting lands that I didn’t know existed before the debut of Cops.
Jokes, people. Please save the hate mail for Dr. Phil. Or Tom Cruise next he lets psycho out for a stroll on the furniture.
First stop? Boston. I’m so excited.
Also? You ah.
I hate because I love.
22 Comments
I hear Canada is nice.
Are you coming to Philly? We can have lunch. Yours can be liquid and I will look on longingly. 5 more months and I can drink again! Yay!
I hear they’re building an I-66 extension in Chicago in August. You should go check it out.
I prefer valium with my in-flight OJ. And what’s in-flight OJ without vodka?
I am always that girl on the plane. It’s awesome.
No Philly, sadly, but I’m hoping to get up there after Greece. I get to go to one spot in each zone – so after Boston, it’s Midwest, West, and South. Will keep you posted. If anyone has any recommendations for me in Boston, I’d love to hear them!
Come visit, in The Ham we renamed our airport! It’s so exciting I could just pee!
Oops…pardon…
Rome, Florene, Sienna, Perugia, oh, shit, anywhere in Italy.
Love Boston, San Francisco, NYC, Chicago, Portland. Gary, Indiana, and Reno, Nevada? Not so much.
New Orelans (before Katrina) and Charelston, SC, for neat history and good food. Rest of South pretty much sucks.
Don’t leave me!
PS–Ohhh, klonopin! My salavation. God bless the FDA!
Denver? So much good is waiting for you here! :)
Peace
The written English language is so inappropriate for simulating the Bostonian accent. But it is so wicked pissuh that you’re comin’ up he-uh. When do you land?
Boston! Really? I say a baseball game is absolutely necessary. If a game isn’t available then, I dunno, wine? If you need a drinking partner then send me a note. I just moved here from Virginia in May. It is pretty cool here in Boston.
Who cares about Christ’s love. There’s plenty of Natty Lite in Hell.
I’m new to Blogging, but I would have loved to go to BlogHer too! Anyways, have fun on your trip!
Good luck with your travels. I hate flying too. Trains are fun, though.
I’m laughing at Del-V’s comment: something tells me there is only Natty Lite in hell.
If you’re in the area, stop by NYC andI’ll take you for the best Mac N” Cheese you ever had, followed either the martinis (down the block) or driving & Diving- I’ll be the Designated Driver- Who knows, you might end up at some afterhours joint in the Bronx, along with the Officers from the night shift- or something…
Shhhhh! Don’t tell the other yankees that we aren’t all toothless and related! We don’t really care what they think as long as it keeps them away.
Enjoy your travels!
“Turns out casual sex and Natty Light pale in comparison to the warmth of Christ’s love”
That was quite possibly the best thing I have read all weekend. I want to cross-stitch it and hang it over the fireplace.
It’s so cute that you pretend to be afraid of flying as your excuse to hijack the drink cart.
Favorites in Boston…
Oskars on Franklin for a great burger and drinks after work
Sonsies in the BackBay just cuz
Wally’s near Berkley for great jazz
Please note it has been a few years since my last trip, but I am pretty sure they are all still open.
Midwest? As in upper midwest? Krisser’s coming to Minneapolis soon? Or should we meet in Chicago…? That’s a lot of question marks. I’d better even it out with some explanation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You forgot the southwest! Gotta go to the southwest….
come to the ATL. I command you.