It’s BlogHer time again. Only this time, I can’t go, and many, many of the lady people I worship in the blogosphere will be there. It’s true, all those rumors, the ones you’ve heard about me depriving my cats of chow and water and the litter box in protest. No peeing for you, little tabby. If mama can’t go, you can’t go.
I’ve been pretty accepting of it all, in fact at times rejecting of it all. There have been moments when I’ve felt on the outside of things during my two times at the conference. I’m not the norm, let’s say. During my first year, there were some who didn’t get what I was about, what my niche was, what I had to say. Mostly because I didn’t have children. On one hand, you might say it was a defensive call, because it’s something about which I’m aware and sensitive. But I wasn’t the only one to feel that way.
During my first conference, one woman asked me right out of the gate if I had children. Right after my name. Right after my blog title. It was a way of categorizing me, of knowing just where I fit, what I wrote about, who I was. It was harmless from her vantage point, I’m sure. To me, it was unpleasant, given that it was a question the answer to which seemed to warrant little further discussion. “On to someone more like me.” Let me be clear – it isn’t about the fact that it’s about kids. Like my self-esteem, my dislike for children is an exaggeration (PLEASE DON’T SEND ME YOURS IN THE MAIL); it’s mostly in jest. The problem I have here is the categorization. It’s the “I know who you are because of these tags. And if you don’t have them, maybe I don’t need to know more.” It’s the, “Wino what?” and the face that says, “What is it that you write about if you don’t have a husband and little ones?”
Well, I write about me. And it’s selfish and indulgent and that might just be who I am. But then again, isn’t that an element common to all of us who write and post quotes and photos, whether they be fat babies or fat felines, documenting our lives as we experience them? I may not have children, but I have common experience. During the time this blog has been live, I’ve lost my father, a job, one cat’s leg, and at least one romance and one best friend. I’ve overcome fears, dated men I shouldn’t, done things I wish I hadn’t, traveled far and near, worn my Chucks to inappropriate venues, seen Kelly Clarkson, watched at least three seasons of the Bachelor, loved Celine Dion against all advice, exercised while intoxicated, lost weight, gained weight, and avoided life when I wasn’t taking it by the balls. Few readers seem to care if I have children. It doesn’t impact me if those I read do.
At last year’s conference I was lucky enough to speak on a panel that discussed categorization, a panel about the place that personal bloggers have in the greater scheme of the Interwebs. It was great. And through that opportunity I met many of you, those who don’t see themselves as categorizable, either. We write about life, whether it involves multiple cats or kids, a mother living in our basement or a move cross country, planting on acres or in the window box, fresh foods or frozen dinners. It’s a glorious hodgepodge. And aren’t we all just that?
This year’s conference promises even more of that perspective. Contrary to what the advertisers might make you think, the days of us being a more cohesive and gloriously heterogeneous unit – every last one of us – are getting closer. To that end, they’ve got both a session on mommyblogging and another on being childfree by choice. And a gazillion other great panels on coming out and food and humor and generally being really fucking cool women, no matter your “niche.” End keynote speakers Heather Armstrong and Stephanie Klein are moms, to be sure, but I’d read both if they’d given birth to cardboard cutouts instead. It’s about the writing, the life you lead, and the way you choose to share it. I hope.
I didn’t think I would, but I really wish I was going to be in San Francisco this weekend.
37 Comments
Kids may only be shipped in the mail if in plastic vacuum-sealed bags with no holes punched in them.
Wait. Who said that?!
Can I send you my plane to fly you there? Tell me your nearest private airfield and I’ll call my pilots. They are not available for leisure time, by the way.
Peace
Oh, wait. I forgot. I’m delusional since they tweaked my meds.
I have been sorta struggling with this since I began this blogging thang 6 months ago. I cringe at the term ‘Mommy Blogger’. Yup I am a mom. YES I AM. But are my posts about poopie diapers and braces and time-outs? Okay a few….but really, mostly…NO. So when people ask I will often say I am a ‘humor’ blogger. And if I am drinking and want to impress strangers I even say I am a WRITER. I love to impress bar people…
It’s just so confusing. I never know if you want to have children with me or not. But if it will help you be more relaxed at the conference next year, I’m willing to “do my part” for feminism. I have a generous nature.
I don’t think that what you write is any more selfish and indulgent than the other people who ever think or talk about themselves. Which is everyone.
You’re absolutely right: it’s much more about the quality of the writing than the subject matter. The ones who don’t get that are usually terrible writers.
Geez, I’m really out of touch with the whole blog world I guess… I didn’t know I had to catagorize myself!
How embarrasing.
Every blog is unique, despite any categorization. I like reading your blog and I definitely don’t miss any children here :)
Mommyblogging sounds boring. The internet needs more blogs about rewarding investment opportunities and stuff written in Chinese. Those are the panels you should sit in on.
To agree with Reid, many mommy bloggers are so narcisistic in blog blog blogging about their offspring–just an extension of themselves–and what snacks they had today and who had a runny nose. Many make their kids’ life so overgrandized because they have left their own life on the curb and have nothing left to say. So we get it’s aren’t my kids cute? Aren’t I a good mom? So annoying.
I read you blog b/c it’s a refreshing change from all that and much like being out with the girls. When I am out with my girls (my friends, not my kids!) talking about childrearing at any length is strictly banned. We get together to remind each other of the other aspects of our womanhood besides “mommyhood”( gag I don’t like that word one bit.)
You are in a category of interesting, funny, snarky, sassy, intelligent female writers. Cheers!
I’m really going to miss you being at BlogHer, K! How about I just drop your name a lot, so it’s like you are there? ;-)
When I started reading them, neither Heather nor Stephanie had kids and they were still very popular. People read them because they could relate to them, or they enjoyed not relating to them — it’s the same with you.
Krisser, you’re an excellent writer and we’re all pretty lucky that you share that talent with us.
I just found your blog last week and I’ve been keeping up with it — and I don’t keep up with many. Unless you personally connect to the voice, tone, and content most blogs are utterly boring. This category thing bothered you — don’t let it. You rock. Looking forward to more!
I liked my blog better when it was all about me, all the time–but I always knew I was a narcissist. I love your blog and I love all blogs that can’t be categorized!
I’m going to celebrate my financial inability to attend BlogHer by drinking an entire bottle of Riesling and watching Lifetime television with my cat. And that’s just tonight!
Sadly, I wish I was going too. I’m not sure why, since I didn’t have the grandest of times last year but now that I know more people, I think I would have had a better time this year. Only if I could drink. and afford it.
Pants, most of us call that THURSDAY. No?
I read writers. And because you seem like a really fucking cool person who I would really enjoy having the same conversation with in a bar drinking martinis. I realize conversations go both ways, but I am having the other half in my head, trust me.
I too have no children. And I’m not sure “mommy” or “child-free by choice” either one appropriately categorize me. Eskimo language has 18 different words for snow. We should have at least that many to describe intelligent women.
So it’s not San Francisco. Come to Santa Barbara instead. I’ll buy the first round.
Mommyblogs are a dime a dozen, and I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way, because I do read some. But it’s harder to find bloggers like you. I like your blog because it’s not about one specific thing. You’re not in a category, because like most bloggers I read regularly, you’re your own category. And that rocks.
If you ever have children, I’ll stop reading in protest.
What is it that you write about if you don’t have a husband and little ones?
Oh jeez. This takes me back to my days of having to interact with the Navy wives. And I don’t mean all the wives–just the ones who have nothing to talk about except their kids, crafts, or husbands. They didn’t know how to talk to me.
When I would tell them that I was working on my Master’s, I could have sworn I sensed a little envy at times…keep that in mind. Everyone has something to contribute. If those mommy-bloggers can’t see that in you, then they’re missing out.
Hey, let’s get some bloggers together and mope, er, celebrate not going to BlogHer! We can even go throw water balloons at mothers (just don’t hit my kid cause he doesn’t like water in his face– go figure).
Eskimo language has 18 different words for snow. We should have at least that many to describe intelligent women.
hclark, I don’t know who you are, but you should have my night job. Because this is what I was trying to say, only you did so much more eloquently than I. Cheers.
Kris, Also known as any day ending in “Y”. :-)
And Lifetime movies starring Valerie Bertinelli before she starting dating Jenny Craig. Oh, the fun we could have together, my dear.
I will not miss you there because you are here and I like you just the way you are, like me.
Cheers!
Isn’t blogging a way to escape, vent, and get perspective? Isn’t it a passionate expression of what makes you feel, breathe, ache, laugh, bleed, and love?
Children are the ultimate reality check, the difinitive reason parents are submerged in sacrifice. Why the hell would anyone blog about their kids??? It’s akin to writing a love song about your Mother.
Children, No children- Who cares, as long as we get to practice conception over and over again. What are you drinking now?
I feel ya. It’s not just the bloggers that categorize according to kids/not kids. I can’t understand it for the life of me. I think you might actually have MORE to write about without kids. You can certainly do more without them. I mean, do you really want to hear my dissertation on poopy diapers? I hardly think so, but that’s pretty much what I have to talk about these days. How can you glorify that?
My sister blogs about her kids. I love my sister, but I don’t read it as much as I read yours.
I just don’t relate!!!
As usual, Kris, you have hit the nail on the head. I honestly thing that any blogger that dismisses another blogger based upon something they are not is missing the point. Thank god we aren’t all mommybloggers or singlebloggers or foodbloggers or whatever. I mean, even Lifetime TV switches it up. It can’t all be about Tracy Gold. Wait, did I just admit to knowing that Tracy Gold stars in approximately 47% of all Lifetime movies???? ;-)
I, for one, missed you terribly. :*
Want to make sure I understand this post.
I can still write all those stories about my kitties, right? That’s a load off my mind.
Gotta run. Little Bosco just said the most precious thing and I want to make him say it again so I can record it.
Very well said. I was terribly irritated by the person in the BlogHer pre-conference guide who said not to tell people that you have a personal blog. That I was supposed to have a pitch.
I HAVE a personal blog. It is about me. And being just a personal blog is totally OK. I don’t need a hook.
@Kristabella – How come I didn’t meet you at BlogHer? I read that thing about “you can’t just say “I’m a personal blogger,” so I struggled to think of a way to describe my blog. And then everyone else got to just say “I’m a Mommy blogger” and walk away when I said I didn’t have kids. Ugh.
I would have loved to have met you but also…I found BlogHer to be really overwhelming and not big on quality time with the bloggers I really thought I’d get to know better. I am still glad that I went but am not sure I would jump at the chance to go again.
I feel like that makes me a freak.
Still, I’d love to have a glass of wine with you someday. :-)
I spoke on the blogging without children panel. It was a good conversation starter, I think. And as someone who gets all weird and gushy about the way you write, I’d have loved it if you were there!
Next year…and a few of us who selfishly and indulgently write about ourselves around here were also talking about a local meet-up if you’re interested.
The conference was great, but 99% of the vendors/free stuff? Mommy-related. It was annoying.
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