I didn’t settle. But I do wonder what kind of anniversary card you’d buy me for mine in a week. I admit I don’t smile every time I think of him, and for me right now that’s an unrealistic goal or expectation.

There’s a big difference between settling and trying to navigate the longest romantic relationship I’ve ever had. 11 years, 8 years of marriage, one child, two houses – multiple jobs, deaths, joys and heartbreaks. I do my best, and I hope it’s good enough.

I don’t judge other people’s marriages, and I sure as hell don’t judge those who don’t enter into it. No one in their right mind said it was better to be married than single – Lord, please!

Listen, I don’t know your friends, but maybe they’re going through the motions to get through it. Passion and love might not be dead, just tired. Shit happens. It’s where we end up that we should be judged for, not how we looked while doing it.

I know that I’ve held on for what may appear to an outsider to be far too long, that was simply how long it took for me to leave. I left when I was meant to and not a moment sooner (or later). There’s just no universally accepted time frame for that kind of thing. You stay until you don’t.

I am happy I am single now. And I’d be happy in a relationship as well. My happiness is no longer dependent on anyone other than myself. So single, married, divorced or widowed, I can be happy with any of these, as long as I am true to myself and live authentically. And that authenticity is based on my own truth, not anyone else’s story or beliefs. It can only be found within.

Anyhoo … great post. May you never settle for anything less than what you believe you deserve.

But it sure is lonesome in the meantime. Or maybe I just notice it more.

So far, my marriage is going strong (and happy) but I can very much relate to people you refer to… and no, there is nothing wrong with being alone. If you are happy that way.

Which reminds me: My babycarrot sister and her husband are celebrating their first anniversary at the end of this month. Everything is still new, still exciting. My sister and I have had talks about the both of us feeling fortunate we grew up with shining examples of marital love. Not perfect, surely not, but my mom and (step)dad love one another more today than they did when they first met. And it shows.

It shocked me at the time but I’ve since learned that relationships don’t always fit the Hallmark party line. I’m with Gorillabuns, but it’s Grandma cards in my case.

And finally, had I really wanted to be married more than anything, I’d have stayed with the only boyfriend I’ve ever lived with, and would likely be a depressed, chain-smoking Ohio housewife with a worse wine habit than I currently have. But dammit I’d be married! And I’d probably have kids! Thankfully I saw the distant light and split. I’m with you on waiting until it feels right, until it feels worth it, and until it’s with someone who inspires all of those feelings that give the motivation to work through the hardest times. I lost the one person since who inspired those feelings, so I’m hanging in there on my own until the next one comes along. I would always, always rather be content on my own (or die trying) than miserable with another human being. It doesn’t serve anyone.

My first marriage was someone I could live with and I thought/hoped things would get better. My most recent marriage is fantastic and the days just keep getting better and better.

Happiness happens when you have the right person to work with. I’d rather be alone than settled.

I was married for 11.5 years (to the day). Our marriage was good for a while, but then went bad, good again, and bad again, and so on until we went through four separations and finally a divorce. We get along better now than we ever did…. only there is no sex…

I guess what I’m saying is, you’re right. And no one should ever settle… they should have what makes them divinely happy in this world.

Also, don’t be fooled by couples who have the appearance of having settled when really, they’ve just settled down. Not having spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor does not mean that the couple doesn’t find ways to make life great for them. My husband and I probably look terribly boring, and therefore perhaps unhappy at times, but I like routine, and there’s no one I’d rather be boring with than him.

I guess that’s life, though? <3

ps: looking @ your pictures & i think i would throughly enjoy seeing you drunk. you’re absolutely adorable! :D

Someone pass me the wine!

Hard work acknowledged. I’m game – bring it. Settling, not so much. Glad you didn’t, lady.

Your standards sound perfect to me and they should be everyone’s I think.

As a society, we come up with all sorts of “rules” to make ourselves feel better.

At least, that’s what most people say. A lot of rules in society are meant to level the playing field so that shmoes and jackasses actually have a shot.

The problem with this is that for every shmoe or jackass that gains a victory (deserved or not), someone who should probably win will end up losing.

Fuggers.

Marriage is a wonderful, awful arrangement. You get to have all of your partners best 24/7, but you also have to be man or woman enough to live and deal with the worst 24/7 too, and not scamper back to your sweet little apartment and cats and “space” when things get not so swoony delicious for a while. When you get married you lose alot of your ability to step back and figure things out because you are knee deep in it. I dont have my own “corner” anymore, because I have to share it with him and the kids too. It is hard work every day to make it as wonderful as it is for my husband and I, so when it is not so wonderful, I dont wonder if I am “settling” or giving in to what is comfortable and easier, I wonder what I need to do to make it better. It’s not just as easy as waiting until you think you found the perfect one who will not fail you, its also being willing to not fail them too, and to realize that ultimately you make your own happy life, even if you have to figure it out while you are knee deep in shoes and diapers.