Monthly Archives: May 2007

If any of you are called to testify against me, please empty your cache immediately

It never ceases to amaze me just how dumb the average American murderer is. Now don’t get all stars and stripes on me; I am convinced that statistical analyses would prove the United States criminal to be exponentially less savvy than those in most other countries. There must be a Polish joke I’m missing [...]

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. – Plato

So when you find out you’ll be a panel speaker at this year’s conference, do you:
a) contemplate which of your incognito wine vessels you’ll sneak into the session, enabling you to sound minimally coherent while droning on about your cats,b) ponder the location of your unfilled emergency Xanax prescription (yes, I have one that isn’t [...]

10 of the millions of things mom has taught me

Always look good, even when going to the Giant, just in case you run into any Rules Committee members/ex-boyfriends.
Kill them with kindness.
Take better care of borrowed items than you would your own.
It might not be a good idea to discuss your personal life on the Internet.
Wait for the sale.
When asked [...]

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