roughly 30 of your Google searches that let me know i’m clearly not the sass attack i thought i was

headgear braces
wino blog thirtysomething cats
bowling with your bum
fannie packs
if i’m too good for him, how come i’m not with him?
gross woman
wayward wino
fang mouth guards
song while elaine dances seinfeld
girls wearing maxi pads
expired robitussin
nightly wine weight
vibrator recomendations
hope for a broken heart post break-up, where’s god in all of this?
spaghettios weight watchers points
i’m not so attractive
hpv insurance rejection
blogger diet
mom in pantyhose
anne geddes baby biscuit
picture of bea arthur in her 20s
ass smell girl
i’m in sixth grade how to flirt
girls and sausage pizza
i pick my thong wedgies
don’t eat curry before a blowjob
fear of self flushing toilets
person farting jingle bells on the toilet video
cellulite on my calves
i put tampons in my bum

then again, at least I’m not this Google searcher:

im a girl and i want to know how to have sex with animals

who probably also wanted a bit of information about a topic I’ll admit I go on about to excess:

unitard girls sex

ho hum. i guess i’ll just stick with the stuff that keeps you guys coming back.

pictures of stretch marks after using emu oil adult acne like boil on tummy

33 Comments

  1. playfulinnc
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    You’ve outed me, Kris. I thought our search engine scavenger hunts were just between us winos!

    Oh well, you win with bea arthur. How could I top that?

  2. Mel
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    Clearly, I’m impressed with the “vibrator recomendations” search string :)

    Rock star!

  3. sween
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    If I didn’t already have a name for my site, I’d go with “ass smell girl” IN A HEARTBEAT.

  4. I-66
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    Wait. Am I not supposed to eat curry before I get head? Or is she not supposed to eat it before she gives?

  5. Reid
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    Good Lord…that list is one of the bizarre reads ever.

  6. JordanBaker
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    If it were “bowling with a bum” instead of “bowling with your bum,” it might make an interesting reality TV show.

  7. Alison
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    I need to go look at my search strings. It’s been too long. That said, I bet I can’t top your list.

  8. brookem
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    LOL wow. ha. holy hell some peopel are real nuts.

  9. t2ed
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    If you could get vibrator recomendations up higher on your list, you’d get a LOT more traffic.

    But stranger comments.

  10. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    It could be worse, I’m the #1 hit if you search for dork parent.

  11. Paige Jennifer
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    My most recent search result:

    bikini wax in beaumont, tx

    For the record, I have had a bikini wax AND I have visited Beaumont, Texas but I’ve never once combined those two wretched activities. Why would anyone want to do such a terrible thing?

  12. Jo
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    Out of all of those, this one made me laugh out loud:

    don’t eat curry before a blowjob

    Who googles this stuff?

  13. Peter DeWolf
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    vibrator recomendations

    And, I’m not going to lie, I was more than a little disappointed when I arrived.

  14. Tracy Lynn
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    Person farting jingle bells on toilet. Video, no less.

    And here I thought I was interesting with Homemade Ass Shaped Cake. Clearly, I’m an amateur.

  15. Kim
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    Just think, if it weren’t for that ‘i put tampons in my bum’ search, we would have never met…

  16. Miss Scarlet
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    WOW. I mean…wow. I thought I had some good ones, but these are just great.

  17. whiskeymarie
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    Hey Judgy McJudgester-
    If there was nothing else to drink in the house, you too would want to know if your expired robitussin would kill you.

    Or not, as it turns out.
    They should warn you about the explosive diarrea, though.

  18. janet
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    there’s nothing like reading your google search referrals to make you question your readership, and then question your self.

  19. Marissa
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Absolutely, downright hilarious. My favorite is ‘i put tampons in my bum’. I mean, everyone does that. Right?

  20. Jorge
    Posted 04.26.07 | Permalink

    Wow.
    I never once thought that ALL of my searches would make it though.

    :)

  21. kitkat
    Posted 04.27.07 | Permalink

    expired robitussin

    This one tickled me more than the others, and I have no idea why. It’s one thing to use the anonymous internet to search for sexual stuff, but expired Robitussin is a pretty cut-and-dry subject, I would think.

  22. Kelly
    Posted 04.27.07 | Permalink

    What are the Weight Watchers points for spaghettios?

  23. ジェネヴィーヴ
    Posted 04.27.07 | Permalink

    Omg, thank you for posting those. I laughed harder than I have in a really long time.

    Some of my cool ones include “freaky granny sex” and “sex with hamsters.”

  24. Amy
    Posted 04.27.07 | Permalink

    your search strings are ever so much more interesting than mine *sigh*

    I’m a jealous hater….

    http://www.gazellesoncrack.com

  25. Maurey Pierce
    Posted 04.27.07 | Permalink

    Good stuff. I’m currently #1 on Google for “Dennis Kucinich’s trophy wife.”

  26. kristen
    Posted 04.27.07 | Permalink

    like kelly, i wonder what the
    “spaghettios weight watchers points” person found. WOW.

    just WOW.

    and…you seem to say the word bum a lot?!?!

  27. lisa q.
    Posted 04.27.07 | Permalink

    OMG that’s funny and scary all at the same time…thanks for the belly laugh!

  28. thethinker
    Posted 04.28.07 | Permalink

    Stretch marks.. acne… sex with animals?

    I think I lost my appetite, and I was REALLY hungry before I read this list.

  29. tallglassofvino
    Posted 04.30.07 | Permalink

    about the curry…. good to know… good to know….

  30. Rasberry
    Posted 05.01.07 | Permalink

    I had a reader that found me through a search regarding granola and hot pants…??? You totally are the sass attack. Don’t kid yourself.

  31. Christine
    Posted 05.11.07 | Permalink

    Curious…how can you find out what people are searching for when they come across your blog? BTW good stuff on here :)

  32. missbhavens
    Posted 05.13.07 | Permalink

    expired robitussin? Now THERE’S a stumper.

    A made a couple of vieos with the titles “porn/art”

    You can imagine where THAT landed me in the seach results department!

  33. Posted 09.06.09 | Permalink

    rofl, i search for expired robitussin and find this

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