I’ve Got Nothing

Well, I do have a full social calendar this weekend, but what I really want most is rest. Respite. Not leaving the house. A huge comforter and unlimited CSIs. A Diet Coke fountain soda machine and a hot pizza delivery. And a weekend full of being clean without really having to go through the effort of showering and hair straightening. And a tabby and a calico in their respective places; one on the arm of the couch above my head, one on the sofa back with his paw conspicuously moving closer to my face.

In other news, said tabby called my best friend at 12:32 this morning by stepping on speed dial, and, upon her hearing an unintelligible man’s voice in the background (read: something on Court TV, as it is of course on 24 hours a day in my house), sent her into a two-hour protective frenzy in which she considered calling out Navy Seals, Peter Parker, and yes, MY EX (?!?!) in an effort to get into my apartment and save me from a stranger’s clutches.

Now that’s love, people.

27 Comments

  1. I-66
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    Your cats call people on your cell phone? Who knew ;)

  2. Kelly
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    That is hilarious.

    Imagine if you had been watching CSI when they were taking notes on a corpse they had found? She’s have likely driven a tank through your front door!

    That is truly love.

  3. bandick
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    That’s great!

    My cats…not as helpful. Sierra would have hacked up her dinner and hidden in the closet for the rest of the night, while Nevada would have half cracked one eye and immediately fallen back into sleep.

    Bastards.

  4. Kris
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    I know. I feel lucky not to have pets of the useless variety, like those hermit crabs and parakeets of my youth. ;)

    66, I totally forgot that happened. So true.

    Kelly, see! You totally get it!

    Deleted by author, SUCK IT.

  5. JoJo
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    That is one talented cat!

    I had a weekend like you’re describing over Labor Day. I highly recommend it.

  6. Sandra
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    Yep, glad you weren’t watching Nip/Tuck. Your tabby rocks.

  7. t2ed
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    If you could only train those cats to order the pizza, then you’d have something.

    They’d probably order anchovies of course.

  8. Thérèse
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    Wow.

  9. mysterygirl!
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    Your cats are fabulous. You definitely don’t have to worry about dying and nobody finding your body– or maybe I’m the only one who worries about that kind of stuff.

    Pizza, CSI, and fountain Diet Coke sounds like a dream weekend…

  10. Kris
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    Mystery, you are so invited. And you aren’t alone – I worry on a regular basis about the cats neglecting to call 911 and instead devouring me limb by limb. Sweet revenge for me feeding them the same kibble day after day after day . . .

  11. Evil Genius
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    OMG that’s hysterical! But yes, that is love that your friend got so worried about you. We all need at least one friend like that.

    Oh, and, um, did you say she’s got Peter Parker’s phone number? Cause, that’s a friend I’d sure like to have.

    :-)

  12. Jorge
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    Man, I want to see B-gal drive a tank through your front door.

    In fact, I am going to arrange this right now…

    :)

  13. nabbalicious
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    Ha! That’s awesome.

    And those are the best kinds of weekends. I always try to have one supremely lazy day on my weekends — but then, I get three days for now. I think if I had two, I’d have to ditch that practice.

  14. Sex & Moxie
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    Two words: HBO’s Autopsy. If you have HBO on demand, and you like CSI, watch the real think on their autopsy series. It’s my favorite, stay in and make coffee, sit and do nothing while my kitten chews on my hair activity. Which, I know realize , makes me sound rather scary.

  15. JordanBaker
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    Did you know that since your cat can dial the phone, you can now register him/her as an assistive animal?

  16. Brookelina
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    I am so with you on the rest. I have not spent a whole day home by myself in weeks. Sunday I plan on sitting around in my pj’s watching football, reading the paper, and eating junk food. Bliss.

    Tell tabby to call me, I’ll be home all day.

  17. Irish Red
    Posted 09.15.06 | Permalink

    That sounds like HEAVEN!!! Only Law&Order instead of CSI.

    so can you call those Navy Seals at will? And if so…can ya send them over to my place??

    :)

  18. Nancy Drew
    Posted 09.16.06 | Permalink

    Those are VERY talented kitties!!!! They’re only looking out for your social life…..extra pampering is called for….

  19. Heather B.
    Posted 09.16.06 | Permalink

    Can I come over and have pizza tomorrow?

    Ya know you’re tempted.

    yummmm pizza.

  20. Kris
    Posted 09.16.06 | Permalink

    I see you survived the blogger hh, hb! Pizza does sound fabu. And I know you have an extra bottle of Boone’s Farm at your place …

  21. Portnoy
    Posted 09.16.06 | Permalink

    Wow I’ve heard the phrase ‘ass dial’ but I ain’t gonna touch what I’m thinking. Lemme ask you this? How is it you can talk about Nothing and 21 people comment? You’re the Seinfeld Blog.

    As a side note, under my links Profile of the week, I might have a match for you. Or checkout The Shanghai Cowboy

  22. goldennib
    Posted 09.17.06 | Permalink

    A rest is definitely called for.

    You have a good friend.

  23. Knoxie
    Posted 09.17.06 | Permalink

    mmmm … pizza …

    hope you’re having a good one.

  24. Spinning Girl
    Posted 09.17.06 | Permalink

    You have the best life.

  25. Kris
    Posted 09.17.06 | Permalink

    sg, no no no NO! Who told you THAT?!?!?

  26. yournamehere
    Posted 09.18.06 | Permalink

    You do have a pretty good life, you know.

  27. Cheryl
    Posted 09.18.06 | Permalink

    Definitely love. Hope you had a good weekend. I would like a Diet Coke fountain too.

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