Five Reasons I Know I’m Drunk; or, I Mighta Had Too Much Communion

I care not that I’m lying on the couch in a perfectly good skirt that really should be taken off before it wrinkles. Well, I’m aware of it, as you can see, but I kinda care not. At least a little. Robert Downey wrinkle release isn’t just for drunkards anymore. Stellar.

Cricket has attempted to sit on my face not twice, but THRICE, and I haven’t flinched. I giggled until she moved her hairy little bum, but I didn’t swat at her. I would have missed.

I might very well take my contacts out and put them on the hardwoods until morning. Yeah, I said it.

I forgot what four was for.

Pizza would be fabu, but the phone might as well be on one of the Russian limbs of the MIR Space Station. Or on my kitchen table.

I luuuurve you guys.

26 Comments

  1. Marissa
    Posted 07.09.06 | Permalink

    Kris, you crack me up! Hi-larious.

    I had a hungover moment this morning where I was laying (or rather, dying) on my couch and all I wanted was water. But the water was soooooooo far away. In the fridge to be exact. And to relieve myself of my parched condition would have required me to walk a whole 6 steps!!

  2. janet
    Posted 07.09.06 | Permalink

    somehow, getting drunk on a sunday is so much more eventful and funny than getting drunk on a saturday. have fun at work tomorrow :)

  3. mamalujo1
    Posted 07.09.06 | Permalink

    I hope it was a tantalizing little red you’ve communed with. Makes it woth it later, yanno.

  4. Jorge
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Shameful.

    Getting all likkered up without us.

    DAMMIT!
    :)

  5. nabbalicious
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Whee! I loves me some drunk posts! You’re funny.

  6. Bill
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    I’m so pleased that you said “THRICE.” Not enough people use that kind of phrasing anymore. And I’ve always wondered … what comess after thrice? Fource? Frice?

    I can relate to the cat thing. (I’m pretty sure Cricket is a cat and not a marmot or other large rodent.) Whenever I’m on the couch and in a state where movement is rather more effort than I’m either capable of or willing to do, that’s when Gonzo gets on me and, as she purrs, sticks her ass in my face.

    Not sure why that is.

  7. Bill
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    btw … were you hangin’ with Italians today?

  8. Egan
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Have I told you how much I enjoy ironing things?

  9. goldennib
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    You’re a cute drunk.

  10. LaLa
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Oh my god. I hope your hangover was/is a lot better than mine, I am still dying 48 hours later. My friend had to send me songs at work just to make me feel better about myself and the world. Wicked, WICKED white wine

  11. Finn
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Drunk. Blogging. Cat sitting on face.

    Perfect.

    What the hell is four for anyway?

  12. nursevl
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Hee hee!
    By the way, us heeere South Dakotans happen to know that North Dakota only has 1 internet access. Some dude in Fargo-dontcha know?

  13. Miss Scarlet
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Not a girl not yet a what?

    And yes, what was four?

  14. Sizzle
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    i love drunk posts

  15. t2ed
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    I’d rather have this bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

  16. playfulinnc
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Is that a part of the diet? Too drunk to find food?

  17. Brookelina
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    You spell good when you’re drunk.

  18. wharman
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    hilarious

  19. Lena
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Oh God Kris. I can FEEL the hangover you must be experiencing right now.

    Oh, and we lurve you too kitten.

  20. whoorl
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    i’m seething with jealousy.

  21. Dave
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Here’s my million dollar idea: you, me, and some other drunk-asses start up a blog explicitly for drunken posts. It’s gold, I tell ya!

    P.S. Blogger may or my not have eaten my last comment, so this may appear twice.

  22. MappyB
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Love it! I was doing the same thing last night!

  23. Jacynth
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    Drunk writing=goooooood! But please don’t leave your contacts on the floor….blech! :)

  24. Cheetarah1980
    Posted 07.10.06 | Permalink

    yep you were most definitely wasted.

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    Posted 07.11.06 | Permalink

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  26. Guinness_Girl
    Posted 07.13.06 | Permalink

    haaaahahahahaha! I’m SO pleased to learn I’m not the only drunk poster around the internets.

    If you lurve us so much, don’t leave us!

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