I know this is supposed to be all about AC/DC and hating toddlers and drinking Chardonnay and all that good stuff, and I’m sure it will come back, but today I just can’t do it.
I am facing right now the potential disintegration of my two-year relationship. Not just any relationship, but the one you [...]
Monthly Archives: January 2006
A Test of the Emergency Broadcast System
01.31.06 –
I never sausage a thing.
01.26.06 –
Today I felt awful for sausage. Not the same kind of awful I feel while watching Rudy, but you’ll get the gist.
I was devouring my Diet Supreme (not at all French) Bread Pizza That Comes in the Green Box, when between the two bites it usually takes me to consume it, I actually looked [...]
Did I mention we have the Garden State in common?
01.22.06 –
Dear Peter,
I am so happy you could make it. I trust that the accommodations I set up for you in the Tupperware storage box under my bed are up to your expectations. As we discussed while you were in the trunk of my Sentra, I will do my best to make your tenure [...]
And on the third day, God created the airhead.
01.19.06 –
HR notified me today that in my first act as Newly-Employed Thirtysomething, I designated myself as my own life insurance beneficiary.
There must be a Carly Simon song for this. [Now with 33% more update!]
01.16.06 –
When I was six my mother bought me a pristine pink outfit for the first day of second grade. I couldn’t wait to start the year wearing it. Mom laid it out on the spare twin in my bedroom with great care, and with even greater care I smoothed out the wrinkles after [...]
Vibeology
01.13.06 –
Unanticipated unemployment benefit #3: Having the distinct advantage of being able to visit your podiatrist and the gynecologist in the same afternoon.
Unanticipated unemployment benefit #7: Being at home to see the painter across the street urinate on the roof of the house NEXT TO THE ONE HE’S WORKING ON because he’s too lazy to [...]
What? Sometimes I sit around in a martini glass. So?
01.12.06 –
No one ever mentioned that my olive was hairy.
Play that funky music white girl
01.09.06 –
I arrived at the weekend with a need to burn off steam. I found myself a) unemployed, and in that state following one of the most stressful weeks of work on record, and b) with an awful post-cruise cold, likely picked up from one of the many coughing-sans-coverage passengers on my 767. Saturday [...]
